August 31, 2007

Cells, Hummers, Worms

  1. I know what they are called, but inmates do not get cell phones in their cells.
  2. Beetles and hummers, Beatles and Hummers. Beatles are those who know the words to "Hey Jude," while hummers merely try to find the tune.
  3. "How to Eat Fried Worms" by Thomas Rockwell is a book young bookworms might read.

August 30, 2007

Mothers, Bag-of-tricks, Owen Wilson

  1. Your mother never, ever told you there would days like this, did she?
  2. If the match was bag-of-tricks free, Morris would trounce Felix in celebrity cat boxing.
  3. Owen Wilson was not the president during WWI.

August 29, 2007

Ampersands, Indecision, Vegetables

  1. Ampersand and asterisk: two words we rarely say, but use what they are often.
  2. Indecision leads to status quo.
  3. It is better to eat a vegetable than to be one: something never said by Larry the Cucumber, but probably agreed to by any number of cannibals.

August 28, 2007

Reading, Ganders, Noah

  1. Someone else writes most of what you read.
  2. Taking too close a gander at a gander may leave you a goner.
  3. Noah had a more successful journey than the captain of the Titanic, despite inclement weather.

August 27, 2007

Maple Leaves, Dreams, Arguments

  1. Maple leaves never fall upwards.
  2. Too many dreams are left unacted upon.
  3. Arguments about coffee are not always based on facts, but image.

August 26, 2007

Calendars, Dancing, Dishes

  1. Calendars do not tell us what time it is, but a watch might have the date.
  2. Dancing is the art of the hidden mind revealing itself.
  3. Dishes and spoons are known together for their affair of the heart as well as the tongue.

August 25, 2007

Orange Juice, Bumper Stickers, Ideas

  1. Avoid drinking orange juice and catsup at the same time.
  2. Bumper stickers are sometimes telling the truth.
  3. 'Let's' is sometimes a bad idea.

August 24, 2007

World, Island, Sunday

  1. I don't want to buy the world a Coke.
  2. At some point, every place on Earth is an island.
  3. Billy Sunday, an evangelist in the early 1900s, was previously a baseball star. D. L. Moody was not.

August 23, 2007

Petroleum, Generals, Beavers

  1. Petroleum is made of old plants and animals.
  2. It is possible that General Patton heard of General Tso, but impossible for General Tso to know of General Patton.
  3. Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver's nickname came from brother Wally Cleaver mispronouncing his name as a child.

August 22, 2007

Snakes, Typos, People

  1. Snakes are not found, and when they are, rarely, in cages, in Ireland.
  2. Typos happen daily.
  3. No one walking on Earth today is perfect.

August 21, 2007

Washington, Amazon, Blacktops

  1. President George Washington never used a cell phone.
  2. People living on the Amazon River probably never heard of Amazon.com
  3. Blacktops often look white in the hot sun.

August 20, 2007

Books, Demons, Rainbows

  1. Buying books is easier than reading them.
  2. DePaul University's mascot is a demon despite it being a Catholic school.
  3. Gold is a color in a rainbow.

August 19, 2007

Mugs, Spoons, Eyes

  1. Most Americans do not know the difference between a mug and a cup.
  2. No one was ever born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
  3. The black part of our eyes is the part we see out of.

August 18, 2007

Bears, Planets, Testaments

  1. There are no bears living in Chicago's forest, yet they have named a football team after them.
  2. The sun is not a planet.
  3. The New Testament is also pretty old.

August 17, 2007

Gypsies, Egyptians, Fingers

  1. Many Gypsies do not like being called Gypsies. It is considered an insult, like the n-word. They prefer to be called Roma.
  2. William Shakespeare was not an Egyptian god. He wasn't even Egyptian. He was English.
  3. It isn't polite to point, no matter which finger you use. The word is still out on whether using toes is appropriate.

August 16, 2007

Skin, Jesus, Glasses

  1. The skin you see is dead.
  2. Jesus Christ was not a vegetarian, and even assisted the local fishing industry.
  3. Glasses are often made of plastic.

August 15, 2007

Earth, Sun, Nose

  1. The Earth is not flat, round, or square.
  2. The sun will not come up tomorrow. It never has.
  3. We don't blow our nose. We blow out of our nose. Otherwise, clearing it would be more difficult and less effective.

August 14, 2007

Trees, Death, Sports

  1. Although we enjoy the leaves on trees partly because of how they shade us, the tree grows them to capture sunlight.
  2. Everyone born between 1700 and 1800 is dead.
  3. If asked, few people know why their favorite sports team is their favorite.

August 13, 2007

Cavemen, Bunnies, Football

  1. The first remote control was when a caveman threw a rock at a noisy, squawking bird. TV was invented later.
  2. Bugs Bunny is not real, and has never been to Albuquerque, NM.
  3. The kicker on an American football team often amasses the most points in a season for that team.

August 12, 2007

Apples, Coffee, Cats

  1. The Book of Genesis does not say Adam and Eve ate an apple.
  2. Coffee cups with holes on the side will not hold liquid.
  3. House cats cannot read.

August 11, 2007

Songs, Blogs, Food

  1. Many Americans cannot recite a single poem, prayer, or song by heart.
  2. This blog should not be the most important thing you read today.
  3. Some of the food we enjoy is the product of digestion or decomposition.

August 10, 2007

Beatles, Grandfathers, Cash

  1. All of the Beatles went through a divorce. All they needed was love, but had a hard time finding it.
  2. You can be childless and still benefit from a grandfather clause.
  3. Johnny Cash and Johnny Paycheck were not the same person.

August 09, 2007

Elvis, Bobby Fischer, Michael Jordan

  1. Elvis, spelled backwards, is sivle, which has no meaning.
  2. Anti-Semite and former world chess champion Bobby Fischer's parents were both Jewish.
  3. Former NBA star Michael Jordan never played in the World Series.

August 08, 2007

Bob Dylan, Rhinoceroses, Sherlock Holmes

  1. Bob Dylan's real name is Robert.
  2. Rhinoceroses are not native to Canada.
  3. Sherlock Holmes never took a 747 to New Zealand to visit his aunt. Neither did James Moriarty.

August 07, 2007

Google, Native Americans, Periods

  1. Today, 'good' shows up in Google 1,140,000,000 times. 'Bad' shows up 629,000,000 times.
  2. Native Americans' ancestors came from another country.
  3. A sentence does not need to end with a period.

August 06, 2007

Circuses, Waiting, Saltire

  1. The word 'circus' has six letters, two of which are vowels. The two 'c's are pronounced differently.
  2. If we waited until we understood everything, it would take longer to do get things done.
  3. The Saltire, the flag of Scotland, is the oldest national flag in use. It remembers Christian martyr St. Andrew.

August 05, 2007

Shel Silverstein, Eyes, Conception

  1. Shel Silverstein died bald. How much hair he had when he was born with remains unknown to the public.
  2. We can see with our eyes closed.
  3. No one has disproven that life starts at conception.

August 04, 2007

Gravity, Robert Frost, Gum

  1. Gravity works in space.
  2. Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken" has four stanzas.
  3. The juice in most chewing gum is saliva.

August 03, 2007

Goldfish, Seeds, Cars

  1. Catching a goldfish with a lasso is difficult. Catching a horse with a net is easy.
  2. Coffee beans are not vegetables or fruits. They are seeds.
  3. Red cars get as dirty as white cars.

August 02, 2007

Water, Spain, Flight

  1. Turning water over is not possible.
  2. That the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain is not true.
  3. Animals in flight are really just delaying landing.

August 01, 2007

February 30, Promises, Ants

  1. There is no February 30.
  2. Promises made with fingers crossed are still promises.
  3. Ants have six legs and no arms.