November 30, 2007

Funny Movie Lines, God's Rain, Resting Wind

  1. When you think of a funny line from a movie… why?
  2. Do pilots get to see where God makes rain?
  3. "Where the wind blows" - Is this referring to the location that is windy, or the location that the wind will eventually rest?

November 29, 2007

Four Lefts, Inflection, Executions

  1. Two wrongs do not make a right, but four lefts can bring you around to where you started. Then, maybe you can right the problem.
  2. Say it with inflection, not infection.
  3. When the execution is over, the one freshly killed might be with, or without God, while the one who pulled the switch will be with guilt, with, or without God.

November 28, 2007

Bible Owners, Canada, Cows

  1. Top book owned, but not read? The Bible.
  2. Canada is not the state north of Minnesota.
  3. Cows are always female. Moo.

November 27, 2007

Tomorrow, Pothole Charm, Enunciation

  1. Try starting today. Tomorrow is a bad day to start most things.
  2. There is little less charming than a pothole.
  3. Enunciation is not the process of joining a convent.

November 26, 2007

Romance, Funeral Homes, Morning

  1. When we think of romance, garage doors do not come to mind. They could. But they don’t. Imagine romance better and garage doors make perfect sense.
  2. Funeral home owners make a business of looking backwards.
  3. When the morning comes, where do you think it has been?

November 25, 2007

Sumatra, Muhammad Ali, Waiting

  1. Nothing tastes better than the cup of Sumatra coffee in my hand right now… except tomorrow's cup.
  2. Quick dancing by Muhammad Ali in the ring helped him win the boxing match, but he was born with Cassius Clay feet.
  3. Those who say they like to wait do not want what they are waiting for.

November 24, 2007

Cowtipping, Trivia, Breathing

  1. Cowtipping is not illegal in Omaha, Nebraska, is it? However, in communities where it is legal, and rampant, the International Brotherhood of Bovine is starting to strike. "No milk today!" is their cry. Why their real protest isn't against the hamburger industry is strangely unknown. The IBB might be influenced by the Mob.
  2. Trivia is only trivia if you don't care, and see no purpose for knowing. Otherwise, it matters.
  3. Breathing is imperative to life and peace. Take a deep breath. Have a longer, more peaceful life.

November 23, 2007

Harry "Father Ahmed" Potter, Gigabytes, Whiskey

  1. Harry Potter is the reincarnation of a little boy named Ahmed who lived in Omaha who grew up to become a Roman Catholic priest during the 1890s. We can't prove that, of course, having never met Father Ahmed.
  2. What comes after gigabyte?
    A - Terabyte
    B - Takabyte
    C - Petabyte
    D - Gigglebyte
  3. Why ski? Whiskey. What more do you need?

November 22, 2007

Singing When No One is Looking, Adoption, Scissors

  1. If you sing along to songs you made up, what does that say? If you also sing backup, I'm impressed.
  2. On early adoption of technology: I have no need to appear hip, so, I'm cool to be cool til the cool tech is hot.
  3. Scissors. Nothing funny can be said about this unusual word. Hehehe... almost nothing.

November 21, 2007

Chemicals, Stomachs, Shalom

  1. Everything is made of chemicals.
  2. He who puts frequent six packs into his stomach is unlikely to have a six pack on his stomach.
  3. 'Shalom' was not used as a kind of scat singing in Israel during the doo-wop era.

November 20, 2007

Truth, Funerals, Broken Hearts

  1. Truth is more often black and white than we like to admit. It is our own gray matter which makes it gray.
  2. At least one guest is found at every funeral who is there against his wishes.
  3. Broken hearts are unlike broken bones. The fracture is impossible to find, but takes 100 times longer to heal.

November 19, 2007

Saying It Twice, Ali, Science

  1. When it is said, "You can say that again," no one really wants you to.
    When it is said, "You can say that again," no one really wants you to.
  2. Muhammad Ali did not sting like a B-B gun, nor have butterflies in his stomach.
  3. Science and logic have only proven that God can't be proven, but have not disproven his existence.

November 18, 2007

Order, Vagabond, Pyrex

  1. Order may be the domain of the devil, but in disorder, he reigns.
  2. Vagabond is not James Bond's evil, good for nothing brother.
  3. What has been in your Pyrex two cup measuring cup recently?

November 17, 2007

Tommy Smothers, Runners, Laziness

  1. Tommy Smothers' mother's son's brother's brother was Tommy Smothers (there was no other Smothers brother).
  2. Runners are neither running to, nor running from. Weird, huh?
  3. Laziness is not respected anywhere, by anyone, especially by those who are lazy.

November 16, 2007

Tommy Hilfiger, Hope, Prozac

  1. Tommy Hilfiger was uninvolved in the invention of the Tommy gun. No mention was found proving Tommy Lee Jones had a hand in its development either.
  2. There is very little we personally know for sure. We live on, though, with a solid hope that things are as we think.
  3. Read each word slowly: prosaic... Prozac. Different, right? If you need one, you might ignore the other.

November 15, 2007

Aphids, Cell Phones, Vignettes

  1. Aphids suck. They are known for that... a true 'bug' entomologically, which includes a feature that allows them to suck.
  2. Cell phones are driving the payphone people out of existence (see
    Video Killed the Radio Star and Other Murders)
  3. Vignettes are not something spread on salads, like bacon bits.

November 14, 2007

Hill of Beans, Bad Things, Grizzly Bears

  1. Just because you don't like the guy in office does not mean your candidate is worth a hill of beans.
  2. There is never a good way to say a bad thing. There are plenty of ways to say a good thing a bad way, but it is still good.
  3. Grizzly bear, not gristly beer, and not grisly and bare. Why would you want either of the last two? It is a free country. Do as you prefer.

November 13, 2007

Russian President, Stained Glass Windows, New Year's Eve

  1. The Russian president, the President of the United States, and my cousin all live in white houses.
  2. Stained glass window makers get the lead out.
  3. Ring in the New Year too much, and the ringing will continue another few days.

November 12, 2007

Moon, Thomas Edison, Ducks

  1. How far the moon is from the Earth is trivia to everyone but the astronaut, for whom knowing is life.
  2. Thomas Edison is not the one who said, "Let there be light." That was someone much older who may, or may not, have a beard.
  3. Ducks are funny. Known fact. Now, you know.

November 11, 2007

Terabytes, Happiness, Today

  1. What comes after terabyte?
    A - Terabyte
    B - Pterodactyl
    C - Petabyte
    D - Googolbyte
  2. Initiate happiness.
  3. They say there is no time like the present. It isn't true. There was yesterday, but you didn't get started. Get on with it. Tomorrow will be a hard time to say you could have done it yesterday… again.

November 10, 2007

Trouble, Sheep, Taxi Drivers

  1. When trouble comes knocking, pretend you're not home.
  2. Sheep. If I can't count my chickens, I'll count my sheep. Why? Sheep rhymes with sleep. Chicken rhymes with clickin', which, as everyone knows, is the international wake-up sound. Useful during daylight savings time changes.
  3. Taxi drivers downtown are generous in avian donations, giving the bird often.

November 09, 2007

Laughter, Mary and Joseph, Violets

  1. Laughter is cheaper than most drugs. Dope up on humor, man. Visit here often.
  2. It is a well-known fact why Mary and Joseph used the back barn of an inn as their birthing room for Jesus Christ. Little is said about why they went with swaddling clothes instead of something more chic. Why? No loom at the inn.
  3. Violets, in my opinion, are not blue, but purple. I'm not the only one. Join the purple violet crusade.

November 08, 2007

Blogs, God, Somewhere Else

  1. No one will say on their deathbed that they wish they read more blogs.
  2. God, mountains, and outer space all need not move in order to win whatever battle.
  3. If you were somewhere right now, where would it be? Then, why are you here?

November 07, 2007

Rats, Billy Joel, Moody Blues

  1. Rearrange the letters used in the word 'rats' and you will get the word 'arts'.
  2. Billy Joel sang, "Only the good die young," without ever mentioning aborted fetuses, who must be as good as it gets.
  3. The Moody Blues sang "Timothy Leary's Dead" before the fact was known.

November 06, 2007

Chicken, Election Results, Bill of Rights

  1. Chicken, if prepared properly, tastes just like chicken. The same cannot be said turkey.
  2. When the next election's results are in and tallied, it is a reasonable possibility that the world will not, in fact, blow up.
  3. Many Americans have not read the Bill of Rights, Roe v Wade, or the Declaration of Independence, yet have thorough, uninformed opinions about each (both supporters and detractors).

November 05, 2007

Chicken Little, Sunny Days, Desperation

  1. Chicken Little was misinformed. The sky has not fallen. Scientists have not tested the alternative theory that the Earth has gotten closer to the clouds.
  2. Sunny days make for great walks and terrible drives. Buy sunglasses.
  3. Desperation removes the capacity for weapon selectivity in battle. Always be ready.

November 04, 2007

Free-thinkers, Creativity, Mirrors

  1. Free-thinking doesn't mean cookie-cutter liberalism or cookie-cutter Republicanism or cookie-cutter anything (though, cookies themselves are a fine thing). It doesn't mean you must be iconclastic. You might or might not be. It means you think, freely.
  2. Creativity is not about the color of your hair, but the color of your mind.
  3. Sometime, mirrors get in the way of good days.

November 03, 2007

F-Bomb, Crabs, Reality

  1. In English, the f-bomb often translates to 'duh?', as it is used as empty explicative. It can have exact, real meaning, but rarely is used as such.
  2. Your neighbors wish you would say hi and smile more often. Stop being so crabby.
  3. Reality is looming. Be real.

November 02, 2007

Cash Cows, Jacksons, Lattes

  1. A cash cow is not a species of bovine.
  2. There are more Jacksons in this world than there are Osmonds.
  3. Three lattes equal one very nice steak. Five cappuccinos equals that steak, and a glass of wine. Five lattes, five cappuccinos are the worth the price of a romantic dinner for you and your date.

November 01, 2007

John F. Kennedy, Windy City, Raisins

  1. John F. Kennedy was elected because he was more handsome than Richard Nixon, known to be the smarter of the two by far. Years later, Nixon won by a landslide, twice.
  2. The Windy City isn't windy, but it is as sunny as Orlando, Florida.
  3. Raisins are sweet.