December 31, 2007

Prince Charming, Society, Landfills

  1. Prince Charming's exact country of rulership has never been found on a map. Some might argue he was a charlatan trying to scam poor Sleeping Beauty of her virtue. Noteworthy of evidence is that he never asked her for a kiss, but stole it when after she was slipped a mickey.
  2. Go ahead, question society. Society isn't a person. Change people, and so then, change society. Starts with you.
  3. Landfills aren't full yet. We have work to do. Start throwing your cigarette butts in the trash please, and not on the ground.

December 30, 2007

Coffee, Turnips, Sunday Morning Coming Down

  1. Coffee, made from a bean… can it be counted as a vegetable? I eat meat, dairy, bread, with a cup of my favorite beverage, am I good?
  2. Changes made to your internet protocol address are not called turnips.
  3. Sundays are popular days. Spanky and Our Gang sang, "Sundays Will Never Be the Same," and Johnny Cash sang, "Sunday Morning Coming Down." God, on ther hand, after an especially busy week creating everything, took a day off.

December 29, 2007

Preachers, Pianofortes, Chopsticking

  1. A picture is worth a thousand preachers. A picture lived by a preacher is worth a thousand sermons.
  2. A pianoforte is not a really cool tree house made up of old Steinways.
  3. Chinese food. Why is it that it must be eaten with chopsticks? Forks still work, yet there we are, chopsticking.

December 28, 2007

Sanity, Jaguars, Important Things

  1. Can someone who is insane be tried for temporary sanity?
  2. Most people look good wearing a Jaguar automobile. Oak trees, however, do not look as good wearing the same.
  3. In many lives, the most important thing is not the most important thing. Go figure.

December 27, 2007

Graceland, WWW, M&Ms

  1. 600,000 people are visiting Elvis Presley's Graceland each year. How many are visits from Elvis himself?
  2. WWW is often used in front of website domains. What if we used bbb? Brockeim's Best Banter? It could work. Start the revolution.
  3. M&Ms are surprisingly tasty with coffee.
special shout out to Joan Perry's website/blog Walk This Way. She discovered the Brockeim way of thinking as through a watch I reviewed.

December 26, 2007

Day After Christmas, Billy Joel, Plastics

  1. It was the day after Christmas, and all through the (where are you?), not a creature was stirring, not even a (small animal or other animated, living creature rhyming with your location)...
  2. Billy Joel sang, "Only the good die young." Poor guy. He's old.
  3. When will we start calling glasses 'plastics'?

December 25, 2007

Wine Maker, Holidays, Logan

  1. Lift a glass today for the one who made water into wine.
  2. 'Holiday' is a complex word rarely dissected by those who do not celebrate them.
  3. When Logan was in daycare, he was told, "Trust no one over 3."

December 24, 2007

Taking Care of Business. Tomorrow, Where the Sidewalk Ends

  1. Taking care of business is rarely said in the plural, or by Bill Gates who, evidently, has.
  2. Tomorrow is like a burger without cheese... Incomplete.
  3. Just because you know where the sidewalk ends doesn't mean you know why you want to go there. Be content where you are and so then you'll always be content when you get there.

December 23, 2007

Mike Huckabee, Christmas, Water

  1. Concealed weapons. Does this mean Jackie Chan can keep his hands in his pockets when walking down the street? What would Mike Huckabee say?
  2. Christmas is not just for retailers. It used to be known as a celebration by Christians in anticipation of Jesus Christ, both as a child, but also, as symbollic as they also currently are waiting his second coming.
  3. Drinking water is almost impossible. Or, at least, drinking water without chemicals.

December 22, 2007

Catapults, Coffee, Rice

  1. Catapults cause felines much fear, or, at least, the ones which understand English. The fear is unreasonable, as catapults do not, usually, throw cats, but few cats are smart enough to discern this. All the dogs chuckle, having read about this online.
  2. Coffee, when made in the morning, should be drank in the morning. And the evening. Come on, make some already.
  3. Rice is smaller than corn.

December 21, 2007

Standards, Black Ice, Hummingbirds

  1. Show me someone who has standards, and I'll show you someone with few friends. Show me someone without standards, and I'll show you someone with no friends.
  2. Black ice does not refer to diamonds sold or used illegally and unofficially as payment for stolen paintings. Drive carefully.
  3. It is a rare thing to have a hummingbird land on your nose. If it happens, tell your friends.

December 20, 2007

Whiskey, Thinking, Business Cards

  1. Whiskey sometimes answers the questions, "Why ski?" and they have broken legs to prove it.
  2. Try to tell someone what you think usually results in him being wrong.
  3. Most business cards are never used for business.

December 19, 2007

Popular Wisdom, Belief, Chicago Cold

  1. Contrary to popular wisdom, popular wisdom is sometimes correct.
  2. A lot of what we believe has little to do with what we do. Or is it the other way around?
  3. Thinking about why it is so cold today in Chicago, I don't know.

December 18, 2007

Meadows, Mysteries, Robinson Crusoe

  1. "And the meadows were lush,
    ...and so was the gardener."
  2. Not everything is a mystery.
  3. Even Robinson Crusoe did not lived as simply as he could.

December 17, 2007

Cardiology, Gin, Oscar Wilde

  1. A change of heart is what cardiologists and therapists have in common, as well as fees.
  2. I'm more of a rummy than a gin player.
  3. Oscar Wilde is quoted as saying, "Life is too important to be taken seriously," and now, look at him, he's dead. Funny guy.

December 16, 2007

Vegetable Names, Sundays, Saturdays

  1. Where did vegetables get their names? Adam named the animals, but was he assigned to veggie duty as well? Seems the scientists (who so rarely believe in God), have been largely assigned finishing the meticulous job.
  2. Sundays are like Mondays, only happier.
  3. Saturdays are like Sundays, only drunker.

December 15, 2007

Typos, The End, Laughter

  1. Typos happen. Accept them. Except expect. Fix that one.
  2. When the end comes, we will probably think about the beginning.
  3. Laughter might not be the best medicine, but it is cheaper than codeine.

December 14, 2007

Silence, Rage, Snow

  1. Few things are as remarkable as silence, or so I'm told. No one's ever heard it.
  2. Road rage shows me the driver is a monkey in a cage.
  3. If the driven snow is pure, then why... oh, never mind.

December 13, 2007

I'll Get By, Hello, BJ Thomas

  1. Some people say, "I'll get by," but don't. They stagnantly survive, but don't get by.
  2. If you were to say hello to a stranger, what are the odds they'll agree?
  3. Did someone ever finally play that "Somebody Done Somebody Wrong" song?

December 12, 2007

Asking Why, Charms, Hyperboles

  1. Asking why without looking is pointless.
  2. If you wear enough charms, will they work?
  3. Most things are overrated. Except Hyperboles aren't enough.

December 11, 2007

Drunk Chickens, Burghers, Marshmallows

  1. Show me a drunk chicken and I'll show show you a bourbon glazed fowl.
  2. Burghers, a Sri Lankan Eurasian ethnic group, are not a dominant force in fast food restaurants. So, then, who is the Burger King?
  3. Anything you say with a mouthful of marshmallows will be held against you. You will be pointed at as well.

December 10, 2007

Tuna Fish, Muggy Weather, Chronic Anything

  1. Somewhere in history is the person who invented the tuna fish sandwich.
  2. Muggy weather. Why call it that if no one wants hot coffee in a mug? Why mislead us?
  3. Chronic patience is impressive. Chronic passivity is a tragedy.

December 09, 2007

Falling Out of a Chair, Hemlock Society, Cold Relatives

  1. Fall out of a chair, and it is funny for an evening. If someone is telling a serious story, it is funnier. It is true.
  2. They say "Death by Chocolate," yet everyone keeps living. What does the pro-suicide group the Hemlock Society say about this? I was depressed, tried this chocolate thing, and left happier. Can I sue?
  3. Cold is not relative. My third cousins are relative. And cold.

December 08, 2007

Buying Stock, Al Capone, Crying Wolf

  1. Do not buy stock high. Really. If you are making soup, and are going to the store to pick up some chicken stock, drive sober and clear headed. It will increase the likelihood of you enjoying your own soup.
  2. Crime does not pay. Crime is not a person, nor a bank, and therefore is not capable of paying anyone anything. That Al Capone divvied out some kind of wage to his lackeys does mean that criminals do sometimes get paid.
  3. Crying wolf does not involve a weeping canine.

December 07, 2007

Collie Flowers, What Matters, Abortion

  1. Collie flower and cauliflower? Two different things. One does not involve a dog.
  2. Said the physicist to the theologian, "What matters?"
    The theologian said, "Yes."
  3. Do abortion doctors who don't do their job right give referrals to good pediatricians?

December 06, 2007

George Bailey, Dead People, Salesmen

    It's a Wonderful Life (60th Anniversary Edition)
  1. When George Bailey said he would lasso the moon, he was exaggerating. No one can throw a rope that high, and when he had said it, we hadn't even been there yet. Come on, George, quit fibbing. You say, "It's a Wonderful Life," but should we believe you?
  2. Most dead people aren't in suits when death happens.
  3. If salesman aren't selling out, are they selling in? They have got to be doing it somewhere.
Search for It's a Wonderful Life 

    December 05, 2007

    Tomorrow, Jesus Christ, Suicide Bombers

    1. Tomorrow's tales begin today.
    2. Jesus Christ was not famous for using the snooze alarm.
    3. Do suicide bombers get fired if they live?

    December 04, 2007

    Funny Blogs, Times Square, Martians

    1. There is absolutely nothing funnier than what you are reading right now. If there is, what are you doing here?
    2. Street cred is not what you find on the bottom of you shoe after walking through Times Square.
    3. Remarkable as it may seem, no one knows if there are actually no Martians.

    December 03, 2007

    Bungalow Bill, Osama bin Laden, Belief in Blogs

    1. Bungalow Bill has a brother, Condominium Carl. His verse was cut from the song before the Beatles wrote it, facing lawsuits from Carl's nephew, Lawyer Lew. John Lennon was concerned he would lose his stock in Strawberry Fields, a not-for-profit fruit juice company, especially sinnce Lady Madonna and Lucy "In The" Skye were running it into the ground. All you need is love, huh?
    2. Osama bin Laden, not known for his personal morals, strictly runs his organization similar to most corporations.
    3. There is every reason to believe this blog is not entirely factual. I don't even believe what I'm saying half the time. And, the other half the time, I'm not sure you believe it. Even this post.

    December 02, 2007

    Ice Ice Baby, Voting, 411th Bit of Nonsense

    1. Just because it snowed last night (it did here in Chicago), and left the car encrusted with frozen water, you probably still should not sing "Ice Ice Baby." No one, ever, will be impressed. Except Vanilla Ice, who made a fortune doing it.
    2. Everything worth doing is worth doing twice. Now, go vote.
    3. This item, the line you reading right now, is the 411th bit of nonsense I have written. Who knows if it is actually the 411th listed, but, here it is, just below 410. If you want, you could count.

    December 01, 2007

    Star Trek, Patience, Coffee Mugs

    1. Live long and prosper? Was Mr. Spock a Word-Faith Pentecostal, an alien health and wealth sort? Perhaps Star Trek's voyage to go where no man has gone before was heavenly?
    2. Patience comes to those who wait. They get it… eventually.
    3. Coffee mugs can hold more than coffee.