December 31, 2008

Now, Devil in Georgia (Not New York), Next Year

  1. Now. What more do you need?
  2. Why did the devil go down to Georgia? Did he think New York was already picked over?
  3. Next year, we do it all again. Differently. Better.

December 30, 2008

Character of Coffee Drinkers, Good Books, Dixie Cups

  1. Coffee drinkers are better people than tea drinkers. Proven fact, sort of, if you count me as an irrefutable source of truth.
  2. Good titles are hard to find. Good books to back them up? Almost impossible. Invest wisely.
  3. What is a 'Dixie'? Why are they so obessed with cups?

December 29, 2008

Vowel Counting, Just Do It (Without Fear), Espresso Lanes

  1. Have you ever counted all the vowels in modern spoken languages?
  2. Much of life is spent wishing instead of doing. Fear not.
  3. There is no espresso lane on the coffee highway.

December 28, 2008

28th of December, Aging and Lying (Try It), People Taller than 20 Feet

  1. What is it about the 28th day of December that causes us to think about July?
  2. There is little that can be done to stop aging. Lying is a good, but ineffecient start. So is denial, make-up and hair coloring. Give those a go, and report back.
  3. Remarkably few people are taller than 20 feet. If you find one, know that they should not be trusted.

December 27, 2008

Coffee Philosophy, AntiRain Prayers, Cardamom

  1. Drink coffee. Let others take care of things. They're on it. Why should you step in and muck it up? Carry on.
  2. No matter how hard we squint out the words, "Rain, rain, go away. Come again some other day," we will still be all wet if we stand outside. Unless, of course, it wasn't raining to begin with. Then we'd be all wet no matter where we stood. Then again, Noah's neighbors might disagree.
  3. Word of the day: cardamom. It is when your friend's spicy mom still looks too close to 21 when ordering a drink.

December 26, 2008

Charlie Brown Is Missed, Coffee Buzzing, Snow of All Colors

  1. Charlie Brown never has had what it takes to lift a sheet of paper, being a comic strip character without flesh and all. However, he lifts the quality of my paper daily, even in reruns. I miss Charles Schulz.
  2. How come when I drink so much coffee, they call it a 'buzz' when what I hear in my ears is more like ringing?
  3. Snow remains a renewable resource. Make sure it is white before consuming.

December 25, 2008

Christmases Are Like Weddings, Funerals and Lotteries

  1. Christmases are like weddings. Sometimes they are so much fun we forget how important the day is.
  2. Christmases are like funerals. Sometimes we spend so much time looking at each other that we forget the main life being celebrated.
  3. Christmases are like lotteries. No one deserves what has been given.

Merry Christmas to one and all.
Celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
Have fun, love your fellow man, but realize it isn't about us.
It's about Him.

December 24, 2008

Sages Rhyming, Cigars, God's Economy

  1. Parsley, sage, rosemary and rhymes...
  2. Sometimes a cigar is just a cancer-laden biohazard.
  3. Christmas has more to do with God in charge than retailers. Proven, with certainty, per the economy of 2008.

December 23, 2008

Tennyson, Swindler's Mother, Jack of All Trades

  1. Did Tennyson eat venison?
    Did Keats eat meats?
    Did Blake eat steak?
  2. Swindler's mother... could she whistle?
  3. Who is Jack, as in jack of all trades? What if he changed his name to Bob?

December 22, 2008

Conscription, Rock, Epitaph

  1. Conscripted in confliction, and often contradicted.
  2. I'm Be Rock.
  3. Epitaph: Here lies what's left of a body.

December 19, 2008

Pendulum Living, Mythical Peace, Splaying and Laying

  1. Life is a pendulum. Everything swings.
  2. Peace is a myth. No one really wants it.
  3. Roots quickly laid are quickly splayed.

December 18, 2008

Nothing (or Something), Christmas, Petite Madeleines.

  1. Nothing is so different than something that should've been nothing.
  2. Christmas: The most celebrated and the least remembered holiday of the year.
  3. Angling is not when a British citizen tells a Frenchman that scones are are better than petite madeleines.

December 16, 2008

Chex Mix, Nietzsche, God

  1. Chex Mix®. It's what's for breakfast.
  2. "Fred is dead"... why I cannot believe in Nietzsche.
  3. There is no tease of God like weather in the 50s in Chicago.

December 13, 2008

Brockeim Obama, Agnostic Couch Potatoes, Heaven

  1. There is no Brockeim Obama.
  2. We only do what we believe in. Couch potatoes are true agnostics.
  3. There is no popular vote in Heaven.

December 12, 2008

Math, Love, Fridays

  1. All is math. Math is all. Except for that other stuff.
  2. Love is all you need... with a good cup of coffee.
  3. Fridays do not exist. They are made up. Really. Ask the question next Monday... "What happened to Friday night?" It'll be long gone.

December 11, 2008

Unorthodox Orthodoxy, Coffee and Bob Dylan, Cell Phones

  1. My writing? Paradoxically unorthodox orthodoxy.
  2. How many times must a man drink coffee before he can say he's a man? (Bob Dylan, had he asked me about his lyrics).
  3. Cell phones are not toys? Yes they are, yes they are.

December 10, 2008

Enough Isn't Enough, Frasier Crane, Synergistic Details Are Truth

  1. Enough is never enough, though sometimes close enough is enough.
  2. Frasier Crane? Not me. Leaning, lifting words, but never craning phrases. (shout-out thanks to Amazon commenter K. Wolf who believes I think like Frasier Crane)
  3. Details are half of the truth. The other half involves their synergy.

December 09, 2008

God and Coffee, Funny Names, Cold Feet

  1. Coffee is God's way of saying, "I got your back."
  2. Your name sounds funny to someone somewhere.
  3. There's really very little positive to say about cold feet.

December 08, 2008

Coffee Cup Philosophy, National Do What Brockeim Says Day, Indiana Dunes in Winter

  1. There are two kinds of coffee cups: those with coffee in them, and those needing coffee. Fill your cup.
  2. Today is National Do What Brockeim Says Day. And Brockeim says to buy lunch for a friend you've never bought lunch for.
  3. Say what you will about winter, but I can guarantee you that you can walk on the Indiana Dunes barefoot and not wince in pain from the hot sand.

November 11, 2008

World Peace, Remarkable Things, Honey

  1. World peace starts with coffee.
  2. What's remarkable? Everything. Remark accordingly.
  3. Honey is the other organic sugar.

November 10, 2008

Lighting Matches, Top 7 Days, Dead Skeeters

  1. You can light a match,
    you can light a fire
    and you can even match your tie,
    before lighting it on fire...
  2. Mondays are among the top seven days of the week.
  3. Nothing says "welcome to winter" like the lack of mosquitoes.

October 28, 2008

Sleeping Dogs, Truth Ain't Here, Teeth

  1. Letting sleeping dogs yawn.
  2. Truth begins elsewhere (certainly not my blog).
  3. Teeth do more than bite.

October 21, 2008

Economic Fear and Faith, Polonaise No. 6 l'heroique, Rapping Chickens

  1. Given today's fear over the economy, you would think faith in God was not genuine.
  2. "Polonaise No. 6 l'heroique" by Chopin is hummed more than quoted.
  3. Chickens are often given a bad rap, but what if they were given bad hip-hop?

October 20, 2008

Names, Thomas Edison, Celerity

  1. Names are the symbol of existence.
  2. You can say that again.
    -Thomas Edison, thinking himself a wit
    when devising a recording device.
  3. Celerity? No way. No vegetables here. No carrot-erity. Brock-hilarity only.

October 19, 2008

Brockeim Nonsense on Mugs and T-shirts

Some of these bits of nonsense are now available on mugs and t-shirts. More coming. Remember, mugs declaring duck wisdom must be worthy of your coffee.

Incarceration, Adam's Alphabet, Orwell the Folksinger

  1. Take on the establishment, and you miss the criminal. Establishments are never incarcerated.
  2. "A is for Apple"
    trouble started for Adam and Eve
    as they learned their letters.
  3. "He's not heavy.
    He's Big Brother."
    -George Orwell, during his antiwar folksinging years

October 13, 2008

Look the Skies, Swedish Fish, Book of Love

  1. When we look to the skies, how is it we can see more than one sky?
  2. Swedish fish? Who made them citizens? It isn't as if they can vote.
  3. Did they ever discover who holds the copyright on the "Book of Love"?

October 12, 2008

Coffee Burgers, Rome Never Fell, USB Ports in a Storm

  1. Coffee is not a friend of burgers. Two great foods, yet wisely separate.
  2. Rome did not fall. It just leaned a lot.
  3. USB port does not usually mean the station were United States buses park and pickup.

October 11, 2008

Edward Lear, Rubber Ducks, Talking Out of Both Sides

  1. Nonsense poet Edward Lear died January 29, 1888. Sara Teasdale, the poet, died the same day in 1933.
  2. Few things can be said about a rubber duck that are not also true for the duck's parents.
  3. Ever try to talk out of both sides of your mouth? Trickier than it sounds.

October 10, 2008

Loaves and Fish, Libraries, Limits

  1. Eating the crumbs off the table might seem like a bad deal, unless those crumbs came from loaves and fish.
  2. Libraries have many members, and fewer customers.
  3. Limits might be limiting, but they offer security.

October 09, 2008

Books Are Good Food Coffee Mug (Fun Gift for Librarians, Writers and Bookworms

Books are good food.
Wash them down with coffee.
Buy now.

Presidential Debate, Lone Ranger, Geronimo

  1. What do we want in a presidential debate? Affirmation that our prejudices are intellectually acceptable, that lies are well-articulated, and that the other guy is made to look foolish. The guy who wins does this best.
  2. The Lone Ranger lied. He had Tonto, Tonto's horse, and his own horse, Silver. He was not alone.
  3. Did Geronimo ever shout "Geronimo"?

October 08, 2008

Life, Worry, Paperbacks

  1. A lot of life comes down to very little.
  2. People who worry too much worry me.
  3. If paperbacks are made from paper, what are hardbacks made from?

October 07, 2008

Life, Cheeseburgers, Curiosity

  1. Why am I alive? By being born. This started the breathing process. Alive before that, but until I escaped the womb, I had no chance of living on my own.
  2. Cheeseburgers in paradise? Not cow paradise. Pass the ketchup.
  3. Curiosity. Amorphous, but never shapeless.

October 06, 2008

Lawyers Chasing..., Adulthood, Jack Handey

  1. Some lawyers chase torts, other tortes, and still, some, salaciously, tarts. All cost more than you might think.
  2. Adulthood is the number one childhood disease.
  3. I'm not Jack Handey. Neither is Jack Handey me.

October 05, 2008

Cheez Whiz, Fatso, Tossing Cookies

  1. Cheez Whiz is a myth. Whiz is rarely a result of indulging in it, but instead, that other thing.
  2. 'Bones' is the thin man's equivalent to 'fatso'.
  3. Salad, not cookies, should be tossed. Catching either can be difficult.

October 04, 2008

Leaves Springing, Smart Books, Forgiveness

  1. Leaves fall upward in September in Australia. In the United States, they spring downward.
  2. What if we read entire books, all the books we own? Would we be smarter, or would our eyes just be tired?
  3. Forgiveness. If someone big connects with a hard swing, forgive him, otherwise I'm hitting myself.

October 03, 2008

Ducking, Window Jumping, Adult Grass

  1. Ducking. If someone big is swinging, take evasive action. Especially if you are a duck. And watch out for the guy with orange sauce.
  2. Are people jumping out of windows, selling pencils for a nickel? This is not a depression, not as long as cafes are selling $3.50 cappucinos. I'd like mine... dry.
  3. What does adult grass look like?

October 02, 2008

Matter, Bible Reading, Predicting Now

  1. Few things matter as much as the few things which really matter.
  2. The Bible... owning one is fashionable, reading one is not.
  3. Just because something is not predictable does not mean we can't predict it will happen.

October 01, 2008

Sex, Politics, Lawn Chairs

  1. Sex invigorates (even if it is just checking out a hot, unavailable someone). Be careful who invigorates you.
  2. Someone asked me what political party I belong to, certain I supported the other one. She was wrong.
  3. Lawn chairs are better than easy chairs. Lawns are where we find neighbors. Easy chairs are where we find television screens.

September 30, 2008

Random Life, Bloodshot Eyes, Laughter

  1. Is everything really random? Just because we don't know doesn't mean there isn't.
  2. Painting the town red may result in the town remaining gray, but your eyes bloodshot red.
  3. What makes you turn your head? Bakery smells? A hot guy/girl? Coffee smells? The sound of people laughing?

September 29, 2008

10 Little Indians, Dinner Plates, Coffee

  1. Ten little Indians? How do we know there were not 11? Or that they weren't huge?
  2. Have you ever contemplated a dinner plate?
  3. Coffee connects all kinds of contexts. Very universal, even if you personally hated the stuff.

September 28, 2008

Chuck the Wood Tosser, Bread, Smiles

  1. Guys named Chuck hear a lot about small animals' ability to toss wood.
  2. Bread defines so many good memories, even though many never make bread themselves anymore (those that do often just use a bread machine).
  3. A smile changes everything about everything. Everything.

September 27, 2008

Friday, Foreign Languages, Weekends

  1. The difficulty found on Mondays is sometimes a result of things ignored on Friday.
  2. All language are foreign languages, unless you knew the language while yet unborn.
  3. Originally, weekends had only one day.

September 26, 2008

Giggling Geese, Happy Jeans, How Similar Are Different People

  1. What if a gathering of geese is silly, with eye issues? A gaggle giggling in goggles.
  2. Not all blue jeans are blue. Some are quite happy.
  3. The correlation is direct: the more they dress to be different, the less they likely are.

September 25, 2008

Game Called, Opinions, Living on the Edge

  1. Calling a game could be ending it early, confidently claiming where the ball will be hit, or doing play-by-play.
  2. Wouldn't be great if everyone with an opinion had their own opinion?
  3. Does anyone know where the edge of the world can be found? I was told I am living on the edge, but I don't know my address.

September 24, 2008

Heels, Love, Books

  1. Heels: worn by good women, done by good dogs. Never confuse the two.
  2. Love is just another way of saying, "You matter more."
  3. Fewer books are read in coffeeshops than you might think.

September 23, 2008

Crying Water, Tense Numbers, Live Forever

  1. If water cries, how would you know?
  2. Tension, elevension, twelvesion.
  3. Life's too short not to live forever.

September 22, 2008

Happy Autumn, Sugar is a Food Group, Bored with Irony

  1. Happy fall. Happy autumn. May it be as warm as it is it here.
  2. Sugar is made from plants. Eat your veggies.
  3. Ironing boards, not bored with irony.

September 21, 2008

Mitochondria, Demonizing, Coffee Beauty

  1. Do cell phones have mitochondria?
  2. Choosing sides should include the middle side. Never demonize your opponent, unless your opponent really is a demon. Then, that's OK.
  3. Coffee is beautiful. Drink up.

September 20, 2008

Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies, Stupid Extractions, Present Time Loss

  1. Mocha with mint are like liquid Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies.
  2. If our wisdom teeth are decayed, do we get stupid?
  3. There's no time like the present. Oh, rats. It's gone.

September 19, 2008

Danny Davito the Chimpanzee, Burping Before the Queen, Orange Juice and Tennis Instructors

  1. Chimpanzees are short. Danny Davito is short. Danny Davito is not a chimpanzee. Chimps are more more agile.
  2. Burping is funny, especially when belched by an Englishman at a garden party held by the Royal Family while drinking tea.
  3. Do tennis instructors ever drink orange juice at practice?

September 18, 2008

Giraffes Kissing, Pilgrim Food, First Effect

  1. Giraffes are never caught necking in a Chevy.
  2. What did Pilgrims eat for breakfast?
  3. If we believe in cause and effect, what caused the first effect?

September 17, 2008

Scientific Faith, Cicadas Singing the Blues, Good Morning Coffee

  1. If faith is belief in things not seen, not understood, most scientists are loaded with faith but are unwilling to admit it. Faith in God, or faith in science, pretending we have it when we don't, or do not have it when we do, is a lie.
  2. Cicadas do not sing the blues.
  3. Coffee begins most good mornings.

September 16, 2008

Chicken, Benji the Dog, Lying

  1. Chicken tastes like chicken.
  2. Benji, the dog, could not fly under his own power.
  3. Many of us prefer youth over experience, but lie about it.

September 15, 2008

End of Summer, Beginning of America, Stereo Monotone

  1. Summer may be ending, but cold hearts can still warm.
  2. Columbus Day is less than a month away. Have you set up the Columbus Tree, and told your children about the old sailor who brought disease to America? Not a worry. Be confident this blissful news will be brought by your TV.
  3. If both ears hear the same sound, is it stereo? What if each ear hears a different sound?

September 14, 2008

Tuna Fish Fighting, How to Register to Vote, Confucious

  1. Between tuna fish sandwiches and cherry cola, there is little agreement. Throw in salsa, and there's bound to be a fight.
  2. Are you registered to vote? Even Brockeim votes.
  3. He who drinks no water quenches no thirst (why Confucious never became a copywriter at an ad agency).

September 13, 2008

Pretense, Saturdays, Christmas Caroles

  1. Walls are the way we pretend we're alone.
  2. Saturdays are not days off for ministers, mailmen or physicians. At least, not good ones.
  3. Originally, all Christmas caroles were about God, back when it was a religious holiday.

September 12, 2008

Hot Water Politically, Ben Franklin, Eternity

  1. Hot water is bad if you are a politician or a visitor to a cannibal's island. In the process of making coffee, it is not only good, but necessary.
  2. Ben Frankin said a good many things before he died. So did his third cousin, but no one talks about him.
  3. The best thing about eternity is tomorrow.

September 11, 2008

Honor the Dead, Dishonor the Murderers, Tolerate the Hated

  1. Remember the men who died, and honor the men still living.
  2. There is nothing honorable about the men who killed in the name of Islam.
  3. Tolerance means the person with whom you most disagree with you still love. It never means agreeing.

September 10, 2008

Peace and Death, Eyeplastics and Botox, Fat Man's Dance

  1. Almost nothing lasts forever. Make peace with that which does.
  2. What if eyeglasses are made from plastic? Eyeplastics sounds like something Botox does.
  3. "Roll out the Barrel" is a song, not a fat man's coming out party.

September 09, 2008

Voyeurs, Michael Phelps, State of Sun

  1. The difference between a voyeur and a people watcher is location and clothing.
  2. Michael Phelps did not write "Invictus." That was William Ernest Henley, a man no longer captain of his soul. That ship has sailed.
  3. Given the state of the sun, tomorrow is bound to be a new day.

September 08, 2008

Earth in Hiding, Pouring Coffee, Fancy Umbrella Problems

  1. Are clouds hiding the Earth from the Sun, or the Sun from the Earth?
  2. Say what you will about coffee, just pour me another cup.
  3. Rain is the kind of thing that will fall, no matter how fancy your umbrella is.

September 03, 2008

Banana Eaters, Owning the Dead, Piano-like Guitars

  1. What do we really know about anyone? Especially people who eat bananas?
  2. In 200 years, all of your stuff will be used up by someone else.
  3. Guitars are like sideways pianos without keys, few strings, and no place to sit.

September 02, 2008

Toast, Baseball Diamonds, Genuinely Something

  1. Toasting bread is managed burning.
  2. Baseball diamonds are made from refined sand, not compressed coal.
  3. 'Genuine' qualfies a word that is, in fact, genuinely something, but something else.

September 01, 2008

Death, Joan Collins, Perry Mason

  1. The tension between living and dying is minimal. It is the prospect of one or the other that makes us tense. O death, where is your sting?
  2. Joan Crawford is not related to Joan Collins.
  3. Perry Mason was not a bricklayer, nor famous for fencing.

August 31, 2008

Chocolate Duty, Lonely Neighbors, Complaining

  1. Chocolate, unlike fine wine, gets funky with age. Eat up, save the world from suffering through funky chocolate. It is your duty.
  2. Your neighbor is lonely. Invite him over for coffee.
  3. It is easier to complain about the guy in charge than it is to find a better placement.

August 30, 2008

Cloud Sale, Breathing, Wash/Rinse/Repeat

  1. On sale today are clouds. In fact, you can have all you can carry.
  2. Breathe in, and achieve world peace. Breathe out, and tell the world.
  3. People will wash. People will rinse. Now, if only people would repeat as necessary, we would have a cleaner world.

August 29, 2008

Salt of the Earth, Bumper Stickers, Negotiating With God

  1. Eating too much salt is common. Being the salt of the earth is far less common. Hence, our arteries are clogged, and our hearts are of little use.
  2. Bumper stickers are tools for those who think you won't listen otherwise.
  3. Try negotiating with God sometime. Any guess who will get his way?

August 28, 2008

Mountains, Children, Herpes Zoster

  1. Mountains are so delicate, the slightest breath, if repeated often enough, will take it down.
  2. If all the children held hands at once, many would be underwater.
  3. Pringles, as in the processed potato chips, rhymes with shingles, which is a virus also called herpes zoster, and no one wants that.

August 27, 2008

Blues, Air Conditioning, Great American Fat Out

  1. Blues music gets its name from the feeling requiring certain music. Rock and roll is the feeling listeners get from playing the music. Country is all about the location where it is produced. But what about all that jazz?
  2. Air conditioning? Does the oxygen have to run laps to get into shape?
  3. What if the USA all decided to skip fast food for one day? The Great American Fat Out?

August 26, 2008

Timeless, Running Naked, Drinking Cats

  1. 12:48 pm is before 3:12 pm. Always has been. Always will be.
  2. Buffering is not the act of dashing in the buff.
  3. Lions, Tigers and Bears is not the name of an alcoholic beverage produced by brewing and the fermentation of starches derived from cereals that also includes two large cats. Cats do not ferment well. Oh my.

August 25, 2008

Second-hand Smiles, Grass, Smells

  1. Nothing wears better than a second-hand smile.
  2. Grass grows greenest when the light is filtered to screen out other colors.
  3. The best smells are unnoticed, but known.

August 24, 2008

Shootin', Humanity, Freedom

  1. You can shoot 'em up. You can shoot 'em down. But you shouldn't shoot 'em when they're down and out.
  2. Look around. If you only see an office, a desk, and a computer, get up and talk to a human in person.
  3. Freedom is often dated, rarely married. Until the person you believe is the most foolish is allowed to believe as he likes, you are trying to keep him a slave.

August 23, 2008

Lemons, Jingle Bells, Alaska Residents

  1. If life gives you lemons, trade it for coffee. See if they'll throw in sugar and cream.
  2. Jingle bells is either a silly song, or a sound that clangs in mourning.
  3. No one living in Alaska today was born in the 1700s.

August 22, 2008

Mississippi, Spaghetti, Coffee

  1. Mississippi has lots of letters in its name, and lots of obese people living there.
  2. Spaghetti is nutritional string. Even better when slathered with nutritional paste.
  3. When all else fails, try coffee.

August 21, 2008

Stars That Lie, Cowboys, Vegetarians

  1. "Twinkle, twinkle little star," is misleading. Stars are never little, and do not twinkle.
  2. Cowboys also herd sheep, but who wants to be called a "sheepboy"?
  3. Early humans were not vegetarians. Early lions were not either.

May 12, 2008

Faith and Truth, Existential Popcorn, A-Team's GPA

  1. See the truth. Believe the truth. Live the truth. If you live the truth you cannot see, then you are wiser than the simple-sighted.
  2. Popcorn is still popcorn unpopped.
  3. The A-Team's GPA is unknown.

May 11, 2008

Pork and Beans, Pickles, Libraries

  1. Pork and beans are versatile.
  2. Pickles are cucumbers, improved.
  3. Libraries exist, so I have read.

May 10, 2008

Time, Kwame Kilpatrick and Capt. James T Kirk, Hollywood Politicians

  1. Time is replaceable. Someone else, though, will get it. Sorry about that.
  2. Go where no man has gone before? Detroit, MI. Just ask Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. He looked in the mirror, looking for a man. No such luck.
  3. Telephones are like Hollywood politicians. Lots of plastic, lots of phoning it in, and plenty of electronic interference.

May 09, 2008

Tell You Anything, Eternity, Herman's Hermits

  1. Anyone can tell you that anyone can tell you anything.
  2. Eternity is completely true and completely unprovable by scientists and theists, yet both believe in it.
  3. "I'm int0 something good," sang Peter Noone as the lead singer of 1960s British pop group "Herman's Hermits." Now he sings the same song at summerfests. Something good?

May 08, 2008

Blogs, Swimming, Sunny Days Without a Sun

  1. Do you know how this blog makes money? Keep my coffee budget alive.
  2. Swimming. Aren't we all?
  3. The difference between a sunny day and a cloudy day is not the lack of a sun.

May 07, 2008

Tornados, Pizza, St Louis Cardinals

  1. Tornados are the bane of peaceful days.
  2. Not all pizza is good.
  3. Just because you are happy doesn't mean the St Louis Cardinals will win.

May 06, 2008

News, Singing, Romance

  1. Just because you've read the news does not make you informed.
  2. Singing in the car will make you happier. The same is not always true for your passengers.
  3. Candles are not a prerequisite of romance. Mystery is.

May 05, 2008

Book Lover Mugs: Books are a friend which never imposes, but is always with you only slightly less intimately than God.

Books are a friend which never imposes, but is always with you only slightly less intimately than God. ~Brockeim.

Tipoe/s haPin mug (get it? Typos happen.)

Buy a mug today, and be drinking from it next week.

make custom gifts at Zazzle

Novels, Raisins, Elvis Presley

  1. Too many novels these days, in fact, are not novel.
  2. If you find a raisin in the sun, and take it into the shade, it will still be a raisin.
  3. Mac Davis, not McDavis, wrote the Elvis Presley hit, "In the Ghetto."

May 04, 2008

Old News, Sniffles, Uncle LeRoy's Coffee Food

  1. Nothing that's news is new. Same old, same old. Nothing new under the sun. Yet, no one calls it the Ten O'Clock Olds.
  2. Early morning sniffles? Could the dream you were having been sad?
  3. Coffee is not the food of the gods. Besides that there's only one god, this is a drink. Unless you make thick, like my Uncle LeRoy. However, I know my Uncle LeRoy. He's not God.

May 03, 2008

Entrepreneurs, Fred Flintsone, Toothaches

  1. Entrepreneur is a difficult word to pronounce, and more difficult to be.
  2. Yabbadabbado may also be spelled yabadabadoo.
  3. Toothaches. Mostly, it is the gums which ache, don't you think?

May 02, 2008

Quoting Simplicity, Dinosaurs, Falling Skies

  1. Most things quoted are things we already said in a plainer way.
  2. A man should not be riding the range on a dinosaur.
  3. When warned about the earth blowing up, ignore it. Ditto when calls that the sky is falling. If either happens, be concerned more about the day after.

May 01, 2008

JJ Walker, Heroes, Divorce

  1. Jimmy 'JJ' Walker never laid claim to Shakespearean acting skills.
  2. Heroes aren't born. They aren't made. They decide to move when the rest are sitting.
  3. Divorce is the choice made by at least one in the couple who never wanted to stay married in the first place.

April 30, 2008

Tests, Bill Clinton, Tomorrow

  1. Most of life is a fill-in-the-blank test.
  2. Bill Clinton was never sponsored by the Nike, Inc.
  3. At the end of every month, there is still tomorrow.

April 29, 2008

Religion, Corn, Cell Phones

  1. Religious people in 2008 are counter-culture. Go figure.
  2. Corn, like corned beef, or, rather, the eating of each, often requires dental floss.
  3. Cell phones do not ring... there is no bell in the standard sense.

April 28, 2008

Dandruff, 2108 Politics, Cotton Candy

  1. Snowmen are not males with dandruff.
  2. Someone we never guessed will be president in 2108.
  3. Cotton candy has no fiber.

April 27, 2008

Summing, Tomatoes, Cold and Hot

  1. Summing up world peace? There isn't.
  2. What if tomatoes debated? What would they throw?
  3. Sure, you want warm in winter, cool in summer? Why live in Chicago?

April 26, 2008

Tension Sleep, Apples and Oranges.Tortoises and Turtles

  1. Tension is often resolved with a nap. Sleep it off.
  2. Apples and oranges. Eat more of both. Then compare.
  3. Tortoises and turtles... if they ran a marathon, which would win?

April 25, 2008

Switchblades, Blogs, Chewing Gum

  1. Switchblades can also be used to pick stones from your shoe.
  2. Total up the time you read blogs, and the time you meet with friends in person.
  3. One difference between myself and chewing gum? Chewing gum needs me to survive. Chew on that one.

April 24, 2008

Alaska Tadpoles, Kerning, Bacteria Murder

  1. Tadpoles are not a kind of lightening rod used in Alaska.
  2. Things are kerned more than you realize.
  3. Never move. You might kill bacteria.

April 23, 2008

Blaming God, Lighthouses, Charlie Brown

  1. It is easier to blame God than it is to accept His forgiveness.
  2. Lighthouses are for stormy nights. Have you found the lighthouse in your life?
  3. Charlie Brown was an optimist.

April 22, 2008

Lo and Behold, Politicians, Death

  1. Lo and behold... is that redundant?
  2. Children say the darnedest things. So do politicians.
  3. Tomorrow, 1/365.25 of the Earth's population will die. That's around 18,069,815.2 people.

April 21, 2008

Clouds, Books, Mr Tambourine Man

  1. All days are sunny. Some also have clouds.
  2. It is not the books you have read that makes the difference, but the life you live. Love more.
  3. Tambourine Man. That's a strange last name, Mister. Can I call you Tammy? (Just don't call me Jason Castro).

April 20, 2008

Ginger Rogers, Bent Knees, Christmas

  1. Ginger Rogers was not marooned on Gilligan's Island.
  2. To be a stand-up guy, knees are best bent.
  3. Bells still jingle on days other than Christmas.

April 19, 2008

Beaver, Toothpaste, Florida

  1. Nothing is ever left to Beaver.
  2. Toothpaste does not hold buildings together. It cannot pass the Wolf Breath Inspection in Three Little Pigs Land. It will help freshen the breath of the wolf. (Try Colgate toothpaste)
  3. Florida is not known for its farms.

April 18, 2008

Pickle Juice, Quoting, Bitterness

  1. Pickle juice makes bad breath. (Try Colgate toothpaste)
  2. We quote more books than we read.
  3. Bitterness is like envy, with anger.

April 17, 2008

Carpeting, Forgiveness, Naps

  1. Carpeting. It used to be called 'grass'.
  2. Most things are forgiveable.
  3. Those who skip naps will sleep eternally sooner.

April 16, 2008

Mugs, Martian Immigration Center, Walls

  1. Mugs are fun. Absolute fact.
  2. Tennesee has no Martian Immigration Center.
  3. Walls are what other people build. We're the others.

April 15, 2008

Waiting, Indians, Good Old Days

  1. Nothing happens to those who wait. Except death, which happens whether they wait or not.
  2. What would have happened if there were ten big Indians instead of little ones?
  3. Remember the good old days? Give it ten years. Today becomes one then.

April 14, 2008

Tyrannosaurus Rex, Selling Watches, Al Qaeda

  1. Tyrannosaurus Rex did not go by the nickname, "Bubbles," in grade school.
  2. The selling point of watches does not involve the device watching anything.
  3. When it all comes down to it, Al Qaeda members believe in revenge more than love. You'll never hear them sing, "They'll know we are Muslims by our love."

April 13, 2008

Politicians, Harry Truman, Dr. Who

  1. Some politicians speak their mind. This is why we hear so little from them.
  2. Hillary Clinton quotes Harry Truman, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." This is probably why she thinks women who spend their days baking cookies are wasting their time. Truman was not famous for baking either.
  3. Dr. Who is not known by his first, nor last, name. He never attended medical school, so his qualifications are entirely in question.

April 12, 2008

Yawning Ants, Chaplin, Chickin Little

  1. Do ants yawn?
  2. Charlie Chaplin was not a fan of Adolf Hitler. No one has recorded whether or not he enjoyed broccoli.
  3. Chicken Little is a distant relative of Rich Little, according to Darwin evolutionists. In their world, the sky really is falling.

April 11, 2008

Tuna, Credibility, Mohammed

  1. Tuna fish will not fit in a fishbowl.
  2. Manufactured credibility is crudability.
  3. Osama bin Laden is not Mohammed, no matter what he thinks.

April 10, 2008

Religion, Rain, Cartoons

  1. Religion is what we all say we believe, but expect someone else to live, then call them hypocrits when they fail to live up to our expectations.
  2. Nice days are not just the sunny ones, but the ones we choose to be joyful despite the rain.
  3. Cartoons hold no milk but a carton might hold a cartoon.

April 09, 2008

Couch Potato, Chanel #5, Harry Potter

  1. No one dies by becoming a couch potato in and of itself, but they stop having a life when they do.
  2. Chanel #5 is not one of the waterways in Venice, Italy.
  3. Harry Potter's author JK Rowling makes more money than televangelists. Both make more than homeless people.

April 08, 2008

Who Dunnit?, Shame, Conscientious Objectors

  1. If we read half of the books we own, we'd be pretty smart. If we read the other half, we'd know who dunnit.
  2. Is a crying shame somehow worse than an ordinary shame?
  3. No one in the military is truly a conscientious objector. They stopped objecting when they got involved.

April 07, 2008

End of Days, Puppy Love, Stealing Life

  1. You can count the days, but not count on them. Sooner or later we'll be at the end of days. Please, you first.
  2. Puppy love is illegal in most states. In China, though, it's what's for dinner.
  3. Take what you want from life, but don't forget, you'll need to give it back.

April 06, 2008

Anchovies, Summer of Discontent, Toes

  1. Shiny things make heads spin: money, beautiful eyes... good anchovies.
  2. Summer is the time of year when it isn't winter. May you never have a summer of discontent.
  3. Things that go bump in the night are too often toes on bedposts.

April 05, 2008

Tsking the Task, Hannibal Lector's Diet, Trivia

  1. Task, task sounds remarkably like tsk tsk. Never dwell on tasks so much that you lose your life's passion. Tsk tsk.
  2. A mind is a terrible thing to taste... something not said by Hannibal Lecter.
  3. Trivia is relative.

April 04, 2008

Rain, Sousaphones, Bookshelves

  1. No matter how hard you sing, "Rain rain go away, come again some other day," it won't.
  2. International calls are not possible on a Sousaphone.
  3. Bookshelves are too often unused.

April 03, 2008

Flowers, Bomp Bah Bomp, Tooth Fairy

  1. Spring has a way of saying hello long before the flowers bloom.
  2. Tell me something: Do you really want to know who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
  3. Does the Tooth Fairy work as a goodwill ambassador for insurance companies?

April 02, 2008

Worms in Your Mouth, Cell Phone Language, Good Weather

  1. Word of mouth...
    word, word, word of mouth...
    not worm.
  2. How long before cell phones are just referred to as 'phones'?
  3. What if we had good weather, and no one showed up?

April 01, 2008

April Fool's, Tickle Me Elmo, X-Files

  1. No nonsense day? No way. Happy April Fool's Day.
  2. Tickle Me Elmo's fad is over. Now we have YouTube.
  3. The truth is out there. But not here.
    -What the New York Times is considering as their new slogan, without attribution to Fox Mulder's X-Files people

March 31, 2008

Auto Elitists, Thomas Edison, Meeting Chairs

  1. Why would anyone drive a Chevy to the levee? Won't a Toyota do? Elitists.
  2. Was Thomas Edison really called Tommy? Was he that deaf, dumb and blind kid who could sure plays a mean pinball? Was this the reason he was obsessed with creating light?
  3. Why is the guy who is chairing a meeting sometimes sitting on a bench?

March 30, 2008

Charles Dickens, Scat, Turnip Greens

  1. It was the best of Time. It was the worst of Time.
    -Charles Dickens, still confused why he changed his subscription to Newsweek even though be named Man of the Year of 1867.
  2. There is no delicate way of describing scat.
  3. Turnip Greens is not a golf course in Scotland.

March 29, 2008

Don Ho's Soul, Caterpillars, Raisins

  1. Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen...
    -Don Ho, feeling down in his soul
  2. Caterpillars are not best barbecued.
  3. A raisin in the sun is a hot raisin.

March 28, 2008

Ecstatic Coffee, Dancing Bears, Reading Workouts

  1. Coffee makes the world happy. Drink your way into ecstasy.
  2. Dancing bears should not be brought to prom.
  3. Reading helps eye muscles grow stronger. Have you worked out today?

March 27, 2008

Neil Diamond, Chikezie, Baroque

  1. "Iamb, I cried."
    -Neil Diamond, declaring his great love of poetic structure
  2. Chikezie is not a misspelled reference to Kedzie Avenue in Chi-town.
  3. Baroque is not a mis-pronounced presidential candidate. There is no Baroque Obama.

March 26, 2008

Art, Jingle Bells, Che Guevara

  1. Art is a mindset, not a medium. And a medium is the size of coffee between a large and a small.
  2. Is 'Jingle Bells' a song telling us to go and jingle the bells in the neighborhood? What if everyone did it at once?
  3. Che Guevara was not a Cuban chef (though somewhat of a butcher). He was a communist and killing machine who helped confine Cuba into the Fidel Castro age.

March 25, 2008

Tooth & Nail, Gamblers & Politicians, Whistler's Children

  1. Go ahead, fight tooth and nail, but watch out. The other guys are using guns.
  2. There are two kinds of people who enter casinos: those who know they will profit from gamblers, and those who leave money at the table. The rest are politicians.
  3. Whistling a happy tune has not put flute manufacturers out of business.

March 24, 2008

Gritted Teeth, Cold Tamales, Political Bias

  1. Teeth gritted are so much better than grit in your teeth.
  2. No one ever says 'cold tamales', so why say 'hot tamales' when the hot part is implicit?
  3. Politics is how we know what our racial and gender biases are, or what we want you to think they are.

March 23, 2008

Calvin and Hobbes, Happy Day, Peanuts

  1. Calvin and Hobbes - if both are fictional, and, to everyone but Calvin in the comic strip (Susie, Moe, Miss Wormwood), Hobbes was imaginary, does that mean the tiger is a double negative. Does this mean Hobbes is real? *Sigh*
  2. Oh Happy Day!
  3. Peanuts tea nuts, brickle and wine.
    Figure out cookies tasting so fine.
    Billy wants milk, Rhonda's on time.
    Nancy's running late, not ready to dine. (more Brockeim poetry)

March 22, 2008

Sobriety, Star Trek, Tennesee Tuxedo

  1. If any holiday was meant to be sober, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter are certainly the one.
  2. Star Trek is not travel show showing off the planetariums in America on PBS.
  3. Why didn't Tennesee Tuxedo have a southern accent?

March 21, 2008

Time Found, White Easter, Irony About Irony

  1. Finding enough time... difficult, especially in plug-and-play form.
  2. Irving Berlin never wrote, nor Bing Crosby ever sang, "I'm dreaming of a white Easter..." but here, now, in Chicago, we have. This isn't nonsense, but a fact at least for today, Good Friday.
  3. Half of what we think is ironic, isn't. Ironic, isn't it?

March 20, 2008

Kinky England, Iron Man, Truth

  1. Armor has chinks, not kinks. England has the Kinks, who are, not unexpectedly, dwelling on Lola. They also have Prince Charles, who, likewise, has Camilla Parker Bowles. It is unclear whether she is more like Lola or armor.
  2. Aluminum Man was too long, so, despite the heavy metal, Tony Stark chose Iron Man as his trumped up moniker. His justification for not wearing a standard super-suit was that Spider-Man and Superman were too close to cross-dressers for his comfort.
  3. Truth be told implies the speaker considered lying.

March 19, 2008

Kelly Pickler, Christian Science Monitor Lizards, Talent

  1. Kelly Pickler does not relish Sonic Drive-in hotdogs (with or without mustard), and she idolizes an American music show.
  2. The Christian Science Monitor is not a lizard, nor scientific, nor a religious publication. The Chicago Tribune, however, is actually in Chicago.
  3. Talent is not found in dreams, but in actions.

March 18, 2008

Mindreading, Omaha, Potomac River

  1. Turning pages is not needed by mindreaders.
  2. Find a leaf that looks like Omaha? How could you tell?
  3. No one remembers the guy who rowed George Washington's boat across the Potomac River.

March 17, 2008

Kissing, Teeth, Billy Idol

  1. The time between thinking about a kiss, and enjoying a kiss, is unendurably long. As such, smart people reduce that time as much as possible.
  2. Tooth enamel is not made in China, nor used in making china plates.
  3. Billy Idol was not an Ides of March baby.

March 16, 2008

Terrible Things, Charity, Tube Tops

  1. Terrible things happen to those who wait a day short of fulfillment.
  2. Some people give 10% of their income to charity. Some people think that 10% is better spent on themselves instead of the homeless.
  3. Tube tops are actually tube middles. Few people wear them as hats.

March 15, 2008

Bart Simpson, Neiman Marcus, Henny Penny

  1. Bart Simpson never met Julius Ceaser.
  2. Neiman Marcus doesn't sell Slim-Fast.
  3. Henny Penny was a dollar short of good sense.

March 14, 2008

Friday (God), Horton, Ides of March

  1. God invented Friday.
  2. Horton heard the Who? Was he a Roger Daltry or Pete Townsend fan? Now that I know, "I won't get fooled again (no no)".
  3. Beware of the eve of the Ides of March. First, the sun will set, then darkness.

March 13, 2008

Swallowing Elephants, Hummingbirds, Miss America Pie

  1. Try to swallow an elephant? Can't be done.
  2. Hummingbirds are not air jousters. Would be cool, though.
  3. Was Miss America Pie made from the apple of your eye? My, my, my.

March 12, 2008

Celebrations, Birthdays, Hangovers

  1. Some days are worth celebrating. Today, for one. And, all the rest.
  2. Birthdays are like roses. Pluck them, and soon they are gone. Leave as many as you can on the vine.
  3. Coffee may do little for hangovers, but it does a lot for taste buds. Drink up.

March 11, 2008

Hunger, Easy Chairs and God, Grass

  1. Hunger, and being hungry are two different things. Those who deal with hunger need our help. Give to your local homeless shelter.
  2. God never sits in an easy chair.
  3. Grass is the world's plush carpeting.

March 10, 2008

Originality, Hot Chocolate, World's End

  1. Originality is rare, and rarer is being honest when it is cliche.
  2. Hot chocolate is close to godliness.
  3. If the world ended, how would you know?

March 09, 2008

Slices of Bread, Bacon, Dying

  1. There are more slices of bread than there are toasters.
  2. Is bacon bacon before it is cooked (fry it up in a pan)?
  3. Few things in this life are worth dying for, but most are worth living. Come on, look alive.

March 08, 2008

Hair Gardens, Trees, Peaches

  1. There are no hair gardens.
  2. Take a look at the tree outside your office window. Amazing, isn't it?
  3. Whoever said life is a peach didn't know apples from oranges.

March 07, 2008

Barack Obama, Viktor Bout, E-mailing Life

  1. Rumors that Hillary Clinton prefers Barack Obama as president over her husband has never been substantiated.
  2. Viktor Bout, allegedly a supplier to the Taliban and Al Qaeda, has a name befitting his next adventure.
  3. Life cannot be faxed or e-mailed.

March 06, 2008

Bike NGOs, Angry People, Mitochondria on Cell Phones

  1. B-I-N-G-O is not a bicyclist non-governmental organization, or, at least, I don't think that is its name-o.
  2. Angry people aren't much fun.
  3. Cell phones are overrated. The mitochondria and nuclei never talk anyway.

March 05, 2008

Tied Election, Size of Tomatoes, Freedom

  1. What if we had an election and everyone tied?
  2. Look at it all this way: no matter what your point of view is, Chicago's tallest building is still bigger than a tomato.
  3. It is easier to complain about freedom's loss than to live freely. If you are going to do the first, be sure you are doing the second.

March 04, 2008

Gold Rushing, Laugh Tracks, Super Tuesday

  1. People who find things via Google are like the gold rushers of 1849, except without the traveling, or the getting rich.
  2. Sometimes, just because they say it is funny doesn't make it funny. Boycott laugh tracks.
  3. Super Tuesday isn't so super when your guy loses.

March 03, 2008

Leonard Nimoy, Self-knowledge, Sky Violets

  1. Leonard Nimoy, an "adherant of Reform Judaism," is most famous for playing an atheist (Spock) only to later suggest "Star Trek" was imbued with Judaism.
  2. "Be who you are," is hard for those who have no idea.
  3. The reason the sky is blue is because of all of the violets in Heaven.

March 02, 2008

Silver Bells, Tin-tin, Street Smarts

  1. "Silver Bells," is not only heard sung at Christmastime, but also by those who have tinnitus.
  2. Tin-tin was a dog, not a stutterer's remarks about a metal.
  3. Street smarts. The lack of this plagues the Department of Transportation.

March 01, 2008

Mother Truth, Finish Reading Day, GPSing All

  1. If your mother told you it is true, then it is true. Unless, of course, she was lying.
  2. Today is Brockeim's "Finish Reading That Important Book" Day.
  3. Someday, everything with be GPSed and satellite-ready.

February 29, 2008

Dessert, Raisen Bread, Toothpicks

  1. "Dessert: It's what's for dinner." The food for which that's true (and healthy) should win a prize.
  2. Raisen bread is made with wrinkled grapes. Best served toasted with butter.
  3. Toothpicks are not the people who work on dentures. Nor are indentured servants.

February 28, 2008

Norm from Cheers, Protest Poseurs, Funny Days

  1. What if Norm on the television sitcom "Cheers" preferred coffee over beer?
  2. There are lot more important things to worry about than whether you look like a protester or a conservative. If that's your issue, you are neither, and a poseur. Take off your baggies and grunge, or your Polo shirts and khakis, and volunteer to help someone who needs your help, not your protest.
  3. Today is the funniest day of the rest of your life. Laugh it up.

February 27, 2008

Pumpkin Kicking, Star Wishes, Diana Ross

  1. Drop kicking a pumpkin will likely hurt your foot or the pumpkin. Wear proper steel-toed shoes and a smock.
  2. You can still make first star wishes on a cloudy night.
  3. "Ain't no river wide enough... To keep me from getting to you babe," is the famous lyric Diana Ross sang (before her, Marvin Gaye). Now, with the internet, that's not even a question.

February 26, 2008

Trouble, Winter, Common Cold & Death

  1. Trouble is not always your trouble.
  2. Winter always end. Be hopeful in the imminent.
  3. Nothing cures the common cold like death. Be happy you're sick. It could be worse.

February 25, 2008

Superman, Polar Bears, Behind Us

  1. Just like Superman, we can fly. The trouble is, we have no wings, and were not born on Krypton, so, for now, gravity reigns.
  2. What's a cold day to you and I is toasty to a polar bear.
  3. Not everything is behind us.

February 24, 2008

Wise Man's Brain, Logan's Crawl, No Bookshelves

  1. The wisest man is still, at best, only using his brain.
  2. "Trust no one over 3."
    --Rallying cry at Logan's daycare, where he made his famous crawl.
  3. Before books, there were no bookshelves.

February 23, 2008

Hurdy Gurdies, Moon Jumping, Driving Thumbs

  1. Have you ever seen a hurdy gurdy?
  2. Jumping over the moon is harder than it looks.
  3. My thumb can't drive.

February 22, 2008

Unequal Coffee, Sum of All Evils, Kindergarten Lessons

  1. Not all coffee is created equally. Taste test often.
  2. The sum of all evils? Let's see... more than 42?
  3. If everything you ever learned was taught in kindergarten, what does that tell you about you? Time to read a good book.

February 21, 2008

Old Rugged Cross, Meteors, Memories

  1. Jesus Christ was not killed on an old rugged cross. His was brand new, created just for him.
  2. Meteor is not a request from a diner at a restaurant for a meatier pasta dish.
  3. Tomorrow, when thinking of today, you might say, "Remember when..." Make today memorable.

February 20, 2008

Cynicism, Guitars & Sitars, Hawaii

  1. Cynicism is the pride of those who are hopeless. Hope is the result of joy. There are no joyful cynics.
  2. Guitar and sitar, in some parts of the United States, rhyme.
  3. 'Hawaii' is not what kids from Honolulu scream when falling off a surf board. Hang loose, man.

February 19, 2008

Jack Nicholson's Love Life, Weathermen, Tickle Me Elmo

  1. "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson has Jack's character writing romance without love in real life. Jack's real life, though, has been as romantically successful as Myrna Loy's.
  2. The man caught snoring and bumping his head one morning is not known to meteorologists by name, but his involvement during raining, pouring weather is legendary.
  3. Elmo of "Tickle Me Elmo" and Sesame Street fame is of no relation to Elmer Fudd (of Bugs Bunny fame).

February 18, 2008

Funny Things, Mouth Bored, Death Love

  1. The funniest thing about many funny things is that they're not all that funny.
  2. Is your mouth bored? Insert coffee.
  3. No one loves anyone to death.

February 17, 2008

Mosquitos, NewsWeek, Bertrand Russell

  1. There is a culture that thinks mosquitos are acceptible, so I have heard from a man drunk on yesterday's whiskey.
  2. What if the magazine NewsWeek called itself NewsMonth? Sounds awkward, doesn't it?
  3. There is no word yet on what Bertrand Russell thinks of Hell, but it is reasonable to assume he doesn't believe he's there. He might think he is at a philosopher's convention.

February 16, 2008

Hollow Ships, Weekend Work, Tapioca Pudding Trading

  1. Hollow ships will not sink so long as they remain hollow. The same cannot be said about people.
  2. I think it strange that we who get tired rarely rest on weekends, while God, who never tires, took a day off.
  3. Never be fooled by someone offering tapioca pudding for gold doubloons. If they throw in some chocolate chip cookies, though, the temptation is understood, but still, you should refuse.

February 15, 2008

Politics, Periods, Casablanca

  1. Politics is not the religion of today, and is as meaningless as ever. Find meaning.
  2. There's an old story that begins with the word "the.' It ends with a period. What happens in between is anyone's guess.
  3. Casablanca is not the only city in Morocco.

February 14, 2008

Night of the 22nd, Old Martyrs, Legless Frogs

  1. No one knows what happened on the night of the 22nd.
  2. Find me an old martyr.
  3. One day, all legless frogs will revolt. You'll be sorry.

February 13, 2008

Book Lover Mugs: Books are a friend which never imposes, but is always with you only slightly less intimately than God.

Books are a friend which never imposes, but is always with you only slightly less intimately than God. ~Brockeim.

Tipoe/s haPin mug (get it? Typos happen.)

Buy a mug today, and be drinking from it next week.

make custom gifts at Zazzle

Romance, Overused Metaphors, Dark

  1. Romance is not romance if Valentine's Day is the only day this art of love is practiced.
  2. Wake up is an overused metaphor, so, wake up, and use original ones.
  3. God did not say, "Let there be dark."

February 12, 2008

Cornish Hen, Awesome, Unread Books

  1. Cornish hen is different than corned beef.
  2. Awesome used to mean "filled with awe." Now it means, "My vocabulary is limited."
  3. Books, when read by people who can read, get read. Obvious? Of course, but on the shelves of readers world wide is the best selling, least read book (can you name it?)

February 11, 2008

Skinning a Cat, Luthiers, Flu Bug

  1. When discovering all those ways to skin a cat, should researchers shave off the fur first?
  2. Lex Luthor, famed arch enemy of Superman, and Martin Luther, famed arch enemy of Satan, are not known because of making or repairing stringed instruments.
  3. I was sick, until my flu flew up the flue. Who knew?

February 10, 2008

Soapy Water, Andy Griffith, Solanum Tuberosum

  1. Soapy water is water with soap in it. Do not drink it. It tastes like soap, not water.
  2. Everything does not taste better when it sits on a Ritz. Andy Griffith might think so, but what does he know? I can think of lots of things I would never put on a cracker. Take pianos, for example. Ever eat one of those with a cracker?
  3. Solanum tuberosum roots are totally tubular. Or is that tuberler?

February 09, 2008

King Edward VIII, Phonetics, Fab Four

  1. King Edward VIII married divorcee Mrs. Wallis Simpson, not Marge Simpson. She wasn't alive yet.
  2. Phonetics is not a city in Arizona.
  3. The Fab Four, as they were known, did not have PhDs in math or entomology.

February 08, 2008

Jimmy Buffett, Hunks, Tasty People

  1. There were no cheeseburgers in paradise. Jimmy Buffett made that up. While Heaven may have these delicious burgers, Adam and Eve are not recorded as having one.
  2. Hunks never hunker down, but fight the good fight.
  3. Beautiful people looking just as tasty to tigers as ugly ones.

February 07, 2008

Sleeping Through, Coffee Sleeves, Passivity

  1. When we sleep, everything immediately becomes 'yesterday'. Enjoy today while you can.
  2. I have, in my desk, a dozen coffee cup heat sleeves, soon to be returned to my favorite coffeeshop to be recycled. You can do this too.
  3. The most passive person is the one moving in no direction. He is followed by the person with direction, but is not moving. One pretends, the other denies.

February 06, 2008

Sleet, Migration, Al Gore's Missed Prayer

  1. Sleet, freezing rain... do you really know the difference? Do you ever say, "Whew, I'm glad it isn't sleet. It is so much that it is freezing rain"?
  2. Migration? Does anyone own grations? "Talking about my-g-rations." Hmm... I can see why the British rock group, the Who, left that one alone.
  3. The childhoood prayer, "Rain, rain, go away, come again another day," has led to a backlog in precipitation. It explains so much, doesn't it? Al Gore missed this inconvenient truth.

February 05, 2008

Spreadsheets. Vesting, Cubicles

  1. Spreadsheets is not a suggested way of making a bed.
  2. Wearing a vest will not protect your legs, even if it is bullet-proof.
  3. Cubicles aren't frozen, even if their occupants are. They are not called occupanticles, are they?

February 04, 2008

New York Giants, Make (Their) Day, Lemons

  1. Unless you are very rich, 'your' team did not win the Super Bowl. New England Patriots? New York Giants? If you are very rich, and reading this blog, thank you. Buy something, and help me buy a football team.
  2. Today is Monday, and somewhere you can help someone's day.
  3. Lemons, when they aren't cars, can be pretty funny.

February 03, 2008

Black Power, Symbols, Ground Hog Day Gifts

  1. Coffee is the original black power.
  2. Symbol and simple. If one is done well, it is synonymous with the other.
  3. No one returns Ground Hog Day gifts on February 3. They wait at least a week, major retailers are noting.

February 02, 2008

Akuna Gelato, Books, Runaways

  1. Akuna gelato is not an iced dessert made by Disney. That is too goofy.
  2. So many books, so little coffee…
  3. There are two kinds of runaways. Those running to, and those running from. We're all one or the other.

February 01, 2008

Harry Truman, Snowy Days, Ground Hog Eve

  1. Harry Truman's name is a pun. I can only imagine what Jay Leno and David Letterman would do with it. No doubts what Conan O'Brian would do.
  2. Snowy days are not the same as a snowy daze. One involves a day off of school, and the other involves a day off of the planet.
  3. No one celebrates Ground Hog Eve anymore. It is tragic we have forgotten our values.

January 31, 2008

January, Rainbows, Gassy Lungs

  1. When we think of January, July often quickly follows (you might think February, but no one is all that excited about it, except during Leap Year). More or less, The Mamas and The Papas agreed when they sang, "California Dreaming on a Winter's Day."
  2. Have you ever stood in the middle of a rainbow and wondered if all your whites would be ruined?
  3. When your lungs get gassy, the best resolve is to exhale.

January 30, 2008

Bigfoot, Alphabetizing Brockeim, Martian Taxi Drivers

  1. Bigfoot does not keep time by wearing a Sask Watch. He more likely wears a Timex. The hotties among the Yetis are all over it.
  2. Alphabetize 'Brockeim' and you get b, c, e, i, k, m, o, r. That's very difficult to say.
  3. There is no such thing as a man in the moon, or men from Mars. There used to be. It's true. However, in the early 1960s, they moved to Washington DC, where they now drive taxis.

January 29, 2008

Apathy, State of the Union, Ephemeron

  1. Apathy has no calendar.
  2. With the current state of things, we ought to be somewhere this time tomorrow. Or not. You can never really tell with these things.
  3. Too much time on my hands, you say, looking at the evidence of this bit of ephemeron? Thought of some of this nonsense while driving. My hands weren't on time. They were on the wheel.

January 28, 2008

Dogs and Fleas, Truth, Mondays

  1. Dogs do sometimes have fleas, but, before cat owners get all high and mighty, let's remember why we use the phrase, "Look at what the cat dragged in." It's not usually dandelions.
  2. There are no contradictory truths. Just confusing ones.
  3. Mondays have six letters, not counting the 's'.

January 27, 2008

Tornados, Charlie, Blankets

  1. Tornados never ask the question of who the president in office is.
  2. Charles can be Charlie, Chas, Chuck, Chuckie, Chas-man, Chuckles, Chaster as well. Mostly one prefers one and not the others. John Cleese is not named Charles, by the way.
  3. Blankets. They cover a myriad of problems, don't they?

January 26, 2008

Elephants Quoting Marx, Shoop Shoop, Pushing Daisies

  1. I never met an elephant which could recite Karl Marx. Never, do you hear me? Never.
  2. Shoop is not a misspelling of shop.
  3. He who is pushing daisies rarely uses a flower cart.

January 25, 2008

Big Blue Haystacks, Lost Marbles, Backed Up Cars

  1. A bit of nonsense drawn from today's news:
    "We couldn't have him drawing a big blue haystack," she said. "People might ask questions."
  2. Has anyone who has lost their marbles found them? What if someone else finds them?
  3. When cars are backed up on the freeway, how come they move forward?

January 24, 2008

Creamed Spinach Donuts, Paperclips, Sleeping

  1. What if a donut was stuffed with creamed spinach instead of jelly?
  2. When then world looks at paperclips, what are they thinking about?
  3. No one wants to be asleep forever.

January 23, 2008

Homophones, Bumblebees, Coffee Spillage

  1. Whether homophones are used for rhyme or reason, I think they sound the same.
  2. Bumblebees. Do they bumble? Don't other bees bumble? What about wasps?
  3. Don't drink and drive. You might spill your coffee.

January 22, 2008

Isaac Newton, Birth, Finding Trouble

  1. Isaac Newton was not hit by an Adam's apple when he was postulating gravity.
  2. Celebrating the birth of a new baby girl, can the father shout, "Oh boy!" and not be a liar?
  3. Finding trouble does not require a hunting license. You can bag as much as you want, everything's a keeper, and there's no fee for the opportunity.

January 21, 2008

Martin Luther King, Dog Tired, Winning Arguments

  1. Martin Luther King, Jr., is not known for his nickname, Marty Louie Kingster (the Second).
  2. Dog tired? Clean as a whistle? Presumes a lot of dogs and whistles, don’t you think?
  3. Winning an argument doesn't mean you're right.

January 20, 2008

Today (All About Today), Tomorrow (Which Is Today), West Nile Mosquitos

  1. Suppose today was tomorrow. What do you wish you did yesterday?
  2. Suppose tomorrow was today. What do you hope to do tomorrow? Why wait?
  3. Say what you will about the freezing cold, but I don't see any West Nile mosquitos, do you?

January 19, 2008

Happy Returns, Sears, Gentle Neighbors

  1. Many happy returns? Try saying this the day after Christmas.
  2. Was Sears, Roebuck and Co. feared the way Walmart and Target are causing stress?
  3. No gentler neighbor is there than the one bringing coffee on a Saturday morning.

January 18, 2008

Romance, iPods, Stereotypes

  1. Romance is best started quietly, without flowers, without violins and without Italian men singing "That's Amore," with the gruff voice of a chain smoker.
  2. iPod was a meaningless word ten years ago. Now, it is still meaningless, but handy when buying an mp3 device.
  3. Don't be a stereotype.

January 17, 2008

Impossible, Girl in a Cafe, Good Company

  1. To begin the unlikely, suggest its possibility.
  2. Girls in cafes are nothing like girls in bars… or behind bars. What coffee bars? That will take some consideration.
  3. Say to anyone that the day is better because of their company, and the world becomes symphonic with a smile.

January 16, 2008

PBJ, Stress, Conversation

  1. Regarding peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… yes. The peanut butter is as important as the jelly in taste and product quality, with special care taken to quantity and bread slicing.
  2. There are no "I am more tense than you," prizes. Relax. Stressed out you may be, but there is no one cheering that you see the situation so negatively.
  3. Conversation fills the heart the way ideas fill the mind. Fill each, and the soul begins to know satisfaction.