March 31, 2008

Auto Elitists, Thomas Edison, Meeting Chairs

  1. Why would anyone drive a Chevy to the levee? Won't a Toyota do? Elitists.
  2. Was Thomas Edison really called Tommy? Was he that deaf, dumb and blind kid who could sure plays a mean pinball? Was this the reason he was obsessed with creating light?
  3. Why is the guy who is chairing a meeting sometimes sitting on a bench?

March 30, 2008

Charles Dickens, Scat, Turnip Greens

  1. It was the best of Time. It was the worst of Time.
    -Charles Dickens, still confused why he changed his subscription to Newsweek even though be named Man of the Year of 1867.
  2. There is no delicate way of describing scat.
  3. Turnip Greens is not a golf course in Scotland.

March 29, 2008

Don Ho's Soul, Caterpillars, Raisins

  1. Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen...
    -Don Ho, feeling down in his soul
  2. Caterpillars are not best barbecued.
  3. A raisin in the sun is a hot raisin.

March 28, 2008

Ecstatic Coffee, Dancing Bears, Reading Workouts

  1. Coffee makes the world happy. Drink your way into ecstasy.
  2. Dancing bears should not be brought to prom.
  3. Reading helps eye muscles grow stronger. Have you worked out today?

March 27, 2008

Neil Diamond, Chikezie, Baroque

  1. "Iamb, I cried."
    -Neil Diamond, declaring his great love of poetic structure
  2. Chikezie is not a misspelled reference to Kedzie Avenue in Chi-town.
  3. Baroque is not a mis-pronounced presidential candidate. There is no Baroque Obama.

March 26, 2008

Art, Jingle Bells, Che Guevara

  1. Art is a mindset, not a medium. And a medium is the size of coffee between a large and a small.
  2. Is 'Jingle Bells' a song telling us to go and jingle the bells in the neighborhood? What if everyone did it at once?
  3. Che Guevara was not a Cuban chef (though somewhat of a butcher). He was a communist and killing machine who helped confine Cuba into the Fidel Castro age.

March 25, 2008

Tooth & Nail, Gamblers & Politicians, Whistler's Children

  1. Go ahead, fight tooth and nail, but watch out. The other guys are using guns.
  2. There are two kinds of people who enter casinos: those who know they will profit from gamblers, and those who leave money at the table. The rest are politicians.
  3. Whistling a happy tune has not put flute manufacturers out of business.

March 24, 2008

Gritted Teeth, Cold Tamales, Political Bias

  1. Teeth gritted are so much better than grit in your teeth.
  2. No one ever says 'cold tamales', so why say 'hot tamales' when the hot part is implicit?
  3. Politics is how we know what our racial and gender biases are, or what we want you to think they are.

March 23, 2008

Calvin and Hobbes, Happy Day, Peanuts

  1. Calvin and Hobbes - if both are fictional, and, to everyone but Calvin in the comic strip (Susie, Moe, Miss Wormwood), Hobbes was imaginary, does that mean the tiger is a double negative. Does this mean Hobbes is real? *Sigh*
  2. Oh Happy Day!
  3. Peanuts tea nuts, brickle and wine.
    Figure out cookies tasting so fine.
    Billy wants milk, Rhonda's on time.
    Nancy's running late, not ready to dine. (more Brockeim poetry)

March 22, 2008

Sobriety, Star Trek, Tennesee Tuxedo

  1. If any holiday was meant to be sober, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter are certainly the one.
  2. Star Trek is not travel show showing off the planetariums in America on PBS.
  3. Why didn't Tennesee Tuxedo have a southern accent?

March 21, 2008

Time Found, White Easter, Irony About Irony

  1. Finding enough time... difficult, especially in plug-and-play form.
  2. Irving Berlin never wrote, nor Bing Crosby ever sang, "I'm dreaming of a white Easter..." but here, now, in Chicago, we have. This isn't nonsense, but a fact at least for today, Good Friday.
  3. Half of what we think is ironic, isn't. Ironic, isn't it?

March 20, 2008

Kinky England, Iron Man, Truth

  1. Armor has chinks, not kinks. England has the Kinks, who are, not unexpectedly, dwelling on Lola. They also have Prince Charles, who, likewise, has Camilla Parker Bowles. It is unclear whether she is more like Lola or armor.
  2. Aluminum Man was too long, so, despite the heavy metal, Tony Stark chose Iron Man as his trumped up moniker. His justification for not wearing a standard super-suit was that Spider-Man and Superman were too close to cross-dressers for his comfort.
  3. Truth be told implies the speaker considered lying.

March 19, 2008

Kelly Pickler, Christian Science Monitor Lizards, Talent

  1. Kelly Pickler does not relish Sonic Drive-in hotdogs (with or without mustard), and she idolizes an American music show.
  2. The Christian Science Monitor is not a lizard, nor scientific, nor a religious publication. The Chicago Tribune, however, is actually in Chicago.
  3. Talent is not found in dreams, but in actions.

March 18, 2008

Mindreading, Omaha, Potomac River

  1. Turning pages is not needed by mindreaders.
  2. Find a leaf that looks like Omaha? How could you tell?
  3. No one remembers the guy who rowed George Washington's boat across the Potomac River.

March 17, 2008

Kissing, Teeth, Billy Idol

  1. The time between thinking about a kiss, and enjoying a kiss, is unendurably long. As such, smart people reduce that time as much as possible.
  2. Tooth enamel is not made in China, nor used in making china plates.
  3. Billy Idol was not an Ides of March baby.

March 16, 2008

Terrible Things, Charity, Tube Tops

  1. Terrible things happen to those who wait a day short of fulfillment.
  2. Some people give 10% of their income to charity. Some people think that 10% is better spent on themselves instead of the homeless.
  3. Tube tops are actually tube middles. Few people wear them as hats.

March 15, 2008

Bart Simpson, Neiman Marcus, Henny Penny

  1. Bart Simpson never met Julius Ceaser.
  2. Neiman Marcus doesn't sell Slim-Fast.
  3. Henny Penny was a dollar short of good sense.

March 14, 2008

Friday (God), Horton, Ides of March

  1. God invented Friday.
  2. Horton heard the Who? Was he a Roger Daltry or Pete Townsend fan? Now that I know, "I won't get fooled again (no no)".
  3. Beware of the eve of the Ides of March. First, the sun will set, then darkness.

March 13, 2008

Swallowing Elephants, Hummingbirds, Miss America Pie

  1. Try to swallow an elephant? Can't be done.
  2. Hummingbirds are not air jousters. Would be cool, though.
  3. Was Miss America Pie made from the apple of your eye? My, my, my.

March 12, 2008

Celebrations, Birthdays, Hangovers

  1. Some days are worth celebrating. Today, for one. And, all the rest.
  2. Birthdays are like roses. Pluck them, and soon they are gone. Leave as many as you can on the vine.
  3. Coffee may do little for hangovers, but it does a lot for taste buds. Drink up.

March 11, 2008

Hunger, Easy Chairs and God, Grass

  1. Hunger, and being hungry are two different things. Those who deal with hunger need our help. Give to your local homeless shelter.
  2. God never sits in an easy chair.
  3. Grass is the world's plush carpeting.

March 10, 2008

Originality, Hot Chocolate, World's End

  1. Originality is rare, and rarer is being honest when it is cliche.
  2. Hot chocolate is close to godliness.
  3. If the world ended, how would you know?

March 09, 2008

Slices of Bread, Bacon, Dying

  1. There are more slices of bread than there are toasters.
  2. Is bacon bacon before it is cooked (fry it up in a pan)?
  3. Few things in this life are worth dying for, but most are worth living. Come on, look alive.

March 08, 2008

Hair Gardens, Trees, Peaches

  1. There are no hair gardens.
  2. Take a look at the tree outside your office window. Amazing, isn't it?
  3. Whoever said life is a peach didn't know apples from oranges.

March 07, 2008

Barack Obama, Viktor Bout, E-mailing Life

  1. Rumors that Hillary Clinton prefers Barack Obama as president over her husband has never been substantiated.
  2. Viktor Bout, allegedly a supplier to the Taliban and Al Qaeda, has a name befitting his next adventure.
  3. Life cannot be faxed or e-mailed.

March 06, 2008

Bike NGOs, Angry People, Mitochondria on Cell Phones

  1. B-I-N-G-O is not a bicyclist non-governmental organization, or, at least, I don't think that is its name-o.
  2. Angry people aren't much fun.
  3. Cell phones are overrated. The mitochondria and nuclei never talk anyway.

March 05, 2008

Tied Election, Size of Tomatoes, Freedom

  1. What if we had an election and everyone tied?
  2. Look at it all this way: no matter what your point of view is, Chicago's tallest building is still bigger than a tomato.
  3. It is easier to complain about freedom's loss than to live freely. If you are going to do the first, be sure you are doing the second.

March 04, 2008

Gold Rushing, Laugh Tracks, Super Tuesday

  1. People who find things via Google are like the gold rushers of 1849, except without the traveling, or the getting rich.
  2. Sometimes, just because they say it is funny doesn't make it funny. Boycott laugh tracks.
  3. Super Tuesday isn't so super when your guy loses.

March 03, 2008

Leonard Nimoy, Self-knowledge, Sky Violets

  1. Leonard Nimoy, an "adherant of Reform Judaism," is most famous for playing an atheist (Spock) only to later suggest "Star Trek" was imbued with Judaism.
  2. "Be who you are," is hard for those who have no idea.
  3. The reason the sky is blue is because of all of the violets in Heaven.

March 02, 2008

Silver Bells, Tin-tin, Street Smarts

  1. "Silver Bells," is not only heard sung at Christmastime, but also by those who have tinnitus.
  2. Tin-tin was a dog, not a stutterer's remarks about a metal.
  3. Street smarts. The lack of this plagues the Department of Transportation.

March 01, 2008

Mother Truth, Finish Reading Day, GPSing All

  1. If your mother told you it is true, then it is true. Unless, of course, she was lying.
  2. Today is Brockeim's "Finish Reading That Important Book" Day.
  3. Someday, everything with be GPSed and satellite-ready.