April 30, 2008

Tests, Bill Clinton, Tomorrow

  1. Most of life is a fill-in-the-blank test.
  2. Bill Clinton was never sponsored by the Nike, Inc.
  3. At the end of every month, there is still tomorrow.

April 29, 2008

Religion, Corn, Cell Phones

  1. Religious people in 2008 are counter-culture. Go figure.
  2. Corn, like corned beef, or, rather, the eating of each, often requires dental floss.
  3. Cell phones do not ring... there is no bell in the standard sense.

April 28, 2008

Dandruff, 2108 Politics, Cotton Candy

  1. Snowmen are not males with dandruff.
  2. Someone we never guessed will be president in 2108.
  3. Cotton candy has no fiber.

April 27, 2008

Summing, Tomatoes, Cold and Hot

  1. Summing up world peace? There isn't.
  2. What if tomatoes debated? What would they throw?
  3. Sure, you want warm in winter, cool in summer? Why live in Chicago?

April 26, 2008

Tension Sleep, Apples and Oranges.Tortoises and Turtles

  1. Tension is often resolved with a nap. Sleep it off.
  2. Apples and oranges. Eat more of both. Then compare.
  3. Tortoises and turtles... if they ran a marathon, which would win?

April 25, 2008

Switchblades, Blogs, Chewing Gum

  1. Switchblades can also be used to pick stones from your shoe.
  2. Total up the time you read blogs, and the time you meet with friends in person.
  3. One difference between myself and chewing gum? Chewing gum needs me to survive. Chew on that one.

April 24, 2008

Alaska Tadpoles, Kerning, Bacteria Murder

  1. Tadpoles are not a kind of lightening rod used in Alaska.
  2. Things are kerned more than you realize.
  3. Never move. You might kill bacteria.

April 23, 2008

Blaming God, Lighthouses, Charlie Brown

  1. It is easier to blame God than it is to accept His forgiveness.
  2. Lighthouses are for stormy nights. Have you found the lighthouse in your life?
  3. Charlie Brown was an optimist.

April 22, 2008

Lo and Behold, Politicians, Death

  1. Lo and behold... is that redundant?
  2. Children say the darnedest things. So do politicians.
  3. Tomorrow, 1/365.25 of the Earth's population will die. That's around 18,069,815.2 people.

April 21, 2008

Clouds, Books, Mr Tambourine Man

  1. All days are sunny. Some also have clouds.
  2. It is not the books you have read that makes the difference, but the life you live. Love more.
  3. Tambourine Man. That's a strange last name, Mister. Can I call you Tammy? (Just don't call me Jason Castro).

April 20, 2008

Ginger Rogers, Bent Knees, Christmas

  1. Ginger Rogers was not marooned on Gilligan's Island.
  2. To be a stand-up guy, knees are best bent.
  3. Bells still jingle on days other than Christmas.

April 19, 2008

Beaver, Toothpaste, Florida

  1. Nothing is ever left to Beaver.
  2. Toothpaste does not hold buildings together. It cannot pass the Wolf Breath Inspection in Three Little Pigs Land. It will help freshen the breath of the wolf. (Try Colgate toothpaste)
  3. Florida is not known for its farms.

April 18, 2008

Pickle Juice, Quoting, Bitterness

  1. Pickle juice makes bad breath. (Try Colgate toothpaste)
  2. We quote more books than we read.
  3. Bitterness is like envy, with anger.

April 17, 2008

Carpeting, Forgiveness, Naps

  1. Carpeting. It used to be called 'grass'.
  2. Most things are forgiveable.
  3. Those who skip naps will sleep eternally sooner.

April 16, 2008

Mugs, Martian Immigration Center, Walls

  1. Mugs are fun. Absolute fact.
  2. Tennesee has no Martian Immigration Center.
  3. Walls are what other people build. We're the others.

April 15, 2008

Waiting, Indians, Good Old Days

  1. Nothing happens to those who wait. Except death, which happens whether they wait or not.
  2. What would have happened if there were ten big Indians instead of little ones?
  3. Remember the good old days? Give it ten years. Today becomes one then.

April 14, 2008

Tyrannosaurus Rex, Selling Watches, Al Qaeda

  1. Tyrannosaurus Rex did not go by the nickname, "Bubbles," in grade school.
  2. The selling point of watches does not involve the device watching anything.
  3. When it all comes down to it, Al Qaeda members believe in revenge more than love. You'll never hear them sing, "They'll know we are Muslims by our love."

April 13, 2008

Politicians, Harry Truman, Dr. Who

  1. Some politicians speak their mind. This is why we hear so little from them.
  2. Hillary Clinton quotes Harry Truman, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen." This is probably why she thinks women who spend their days baking cookies are wasting their time. Truman was not famous for baking either.
  3. Dr. Who is not known by his first, nor last, name. He never attended medical school, so his qualifications are entirely in question.

April 12, 2008

Yawning Ants, Chaplin, Chickin Little

  1. Do ants yawn?
  2. Charlie Chaplin was not a fan of Adolf Hitler. No one has recorded whether or not he enjoyed broccoli.
  3. Chicken Little is a distant relative of Rich Little, according to Darwin evolutionists. In their world, the sky really is falling.

April 11, 2008

Tuna, Credibility, Mohammed

  1. Tuna fish will not fit in a fishbowl.
  2. Manufactured credibility is crudability.
  3. Osama bin Laden is not Mohammed, no matter what he thinks.

April 10, 2008

Religion, Rain, Cartoons

  1. Religion is what we all say we believe, but expect someone else to live, then call them hypocrits when they fail to live up to our expectations.
  2. Nice days are not just the sunny ones, but the ones we choose to be joyful despite the rain.
  3. Cartoons hold no milk but a carton might hold a cartoon.

April 09, 2008

Couch Potato, Chanel #5, Harry Potter

  1. No one dies by becoming a couch potato in and of itself, but they stop having a life when they do.
  2. Chanel #5 is not one of the waterways in Venice, Italy.
  3. Harry Potter's author JK Rowling makes more money than televangelists. Both make more than homeless people.

April 08, 2008

Who Dunnit?, Shame, Conscientious Objectors

  1. If we read half of the books we own, we'd be pretty smart. If we read the other half, we'd know who dunnit.
  2. Is a crying shame somehow worse than an ordinary shame?
  3. No one in the military is truly a conscientious objector. They stopped objecting when they got involved.

April 07, 2008

End of Days, Puppy Love, Stealing Life

  1. You can count the days, but not count on them. Sooner or later we'll be at the end of days. Please, you first.
  2. Puppy love is illegal in most states. In China, though, it's what's for dinner.
  3. Take what you want from life, but don't forget, you'll need to give it back.

April 06, 2008

Anchovies, Summer of Discontent, Toes

  1. Shiny things make heads spin: money, beautiful eyes... good anchovies.
  2. Summer is the time of year when it isn't winter. May you never have a summer of discontent.
  3. Things that go bump in the night are too often toes on bedposts.

April 05, 2008

Tsking the Task, Hannibal Lector's Diet, Trivia

  1. Task, task sounds remarkably like tsk tsk. Never dwell on tasks so much that you lose your life's passion. Tsk tsk.
  2. A mind is a terrible thing to taste... something not said by Hannibal Lecter.
  3. Trivia is relative.

April 04, 2008

Rain, Sousaphones, Bookshelves

  1. No matter how hard you sing, "Rain rain go away, come again some other day," it won't.
  2. International calls are not possible on a Sousaphone.
  3. Bookshelves are too often unused.

April 03, 2008

Flowers, Bomp Bah Bomp, Tooth Fairy

  1. Spring has a way of saying hello long before the flowers bloom.
  2. Tell me something: Do you really want to know who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
  3. Does the Tooth Fairy work as a goodwill ambassador for insurance companies?

April 02, 2008

Worms in Your Mouth, Cell Phone Language, Good Weather

  1. Word of mouth...
    word, word, word of mouth...
    not worm.
  2. How long before cell phones are just referred to as 'phones'?
  3. What if we had good weather, and no one showed up?

April 01, 2008

April Fool's, Tickle Me Elmo, X-Files

  1. No nonsense day? No way. Happy April Fool's Day.
  2. Tickle Me Elmo's fad is over. Now we have YouTube.
  3. The truth is out there. But not here.
    -What the New York Times is considering as their new slogan, without attribution to Fox Mulder's X-Files people