January 30, 2009

Necktie Humor, Nasty Milk, Thirsty Sneezers

  1. Funnier things can be found than neckties.
  2. Ever drink milk after eating cranberries? It should be illegal, but, then again, who wants to do it twice?
  3. Thirsty people can still sneeze.

January 29, 2009

Finlandian Milk, Drunk Apologies, Soft Things

  1. The United States drinks less milk per capita than Finland. What do you say to that, Wisconsin?
  2. More excuses are heard near the end of January than on St. Patrick's Day. That's when apologies are more common.
  3. Crunchy things are sometimes lighter than soft things.

January 28, 2009

Over 18 Fun on a Piano, Tennessee, Peace

  1. Tickle the ivories all you want, but make they are over 18 when you do.
  2. Tennessee is as fun to say as it is to spell.
  3. Peace is what happens while each side plans how to win.

January 27, 2009

Selling Out, Classy People, Barack Obama

  1. I neither buy nor sell out (but will take chocolate)
  2. Class is how well you treat the one you dislike the most.
  3. World peace will not be achieved by Barack Obama. World peace requires Parmesan cheese. Invite someone over for dinner tonight. Make pasta. Offer cheese. Peace.

January 26, 2009

Argentina Groupies, Free Speech, Naps

  1. Argentina is not a groupie named Tina of the band Argent who always screams during "Hold Your Head Up."
  2. The difference between cacophony and free speech is listening.
  3. Naps are best taken while asleep

January 23, 2009

Political Enthusiasm, Closed-Minded, Fuggedaboutme

  1. Enthusiasm for a sports team is too often like enthusiasm for a political party. It ain't what you believe they're about. It's what you'd like your friends and family to think you're about.
  2. Being closed-minded is easy when you're right.
  3. Famous people are forgotten later than the rest of us.

January 22, 2009

Sherlock Holmes, Elephant Man, Relative Strangers

  1. Sherlock Holmes never solved a case in Aruba.
  2. Feeding a man a peanut does not make him an elephant.
  3. Strangers in your family are still relatives.

January 21, 2009

Percolators, Bernard Madoff, Contentment

  1. Percolators... what all campers need. Be a happy camper, and pack one for your next trip.
  2. There is no business like show business... except for politics, journalism, and whatever it is that Bernard Madoff used to do.
  3. You can have what you need. You can have what you want. But when what you need is what you want, and you have it, that is contentment.

January 20, 2009

PETA Crackers, Chuckles, Children in View and Earshot

  1. Does PETA protest animal crackers?
  2. The word 'chuckles' makes me chuckle.
  3. Children are best (seen and heard).

January 19, 2009

Cool Drink of Water, Ditties, Funny Font Names

  1. Some conversations deserve coffee,
    others, wine
    and a cool drink of water, anytime.
  2. There is no ditty as well known as the "Do Wah Ditty." Ask around. See if at least a few do not break into song.
  3. Why do fonts have such funny names?

January 17, 2009

Homage to Edgar Allan Poe's Raven in parody The Beauty

Not quite nonsense poetry.... Read Brockeim's homage to Edgar Allan Poe's poem Raven in his parody The Beauty (the usual lost love thing).

January 16, 2009

Chocolate, Dancers, Smug Gums

  1. Chocolate... is it a crave if it is a need, the way air and water is a need?
  2. Dancers performing while dancing with another? Who is it about?
  3. Mugs... smug, gums. Smug gums lip mugs.

January 15, 2009

Attic Trunk Junk, Position of Mission or Challenge, Blink Blink

  1. My attic is empty, but there's junk in the trunk. Time for a garage sale.
  2. Challenges are one thing. Missions are another. Which do you prefer?
  3. Blinking things are not intended to relax us.

January 14, 2009

Horse Addressbooks, Store Walkabouts, Actors and Fibbers

  1. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them change their e-mail addressbooks.
  2. When walking to the store, always know how to get home. Too many fathers leave for the store and never return. Apparently, they leave to get some manhood, and can't find it.
  3. Actors are people who pretend to be someone they are not, but everyone knows everyone is onto the game.

January 13, 2009

April Readiness, Long 2x4s, Other Adolfs

  1. April is coming. Be ready.
  2. Two-by-fours are sometimes longer.
  3. Heavy weight there is having the name Adolf.

January 12, 2009

Death Tickle, Missing Cheerleader Skirts, Got Tension?

  1. Has anyone ever been tickled to death?
  2. Fans are like cheerleaders without the skirt... well, not quite like that.
  3. Tension is often nothing to be worried about. Though, other times, very much so. Relax.

January 10, 2009

Need More Brockeim? Website Relaunched.

The answer to the question is, "Yes, I need more Brockeim..." and the response is, "Go to Brockeim.com.

Newly launched, with a sampling of everything you see here and elsewhere on the web, Brockeim.com gives readers a chance to better connect.

Of course, big plans exist to make it the top competitor of the Onion, the New Yorker and the New York Times all in one, but for now, enjoy.

Anything you would like to see? Let me know.

Meanwhile, back the usual nonsense. On Monday, January 12, look here for "Death Tickle, Missing Cheerleader Skirts, Got Tension?"

January 09, 2009

Should Be Latin, Nasty Neighbors, Born the First Time

  1. All are many, many are one...
  2. A man says to his neighbor, "What a load off my back, I thought I was dead." The neighbor responds, "How disappointing. I thought you were."
  3. There comes a time in every man's life that he is born.

January 08, 2009

Urine Analysis, Statuettes, Chop-chop

  1. Say 'year-end' carefully, lest you be called upon to fill that little cup used for drug testing.
  2. Some people pray to statues of saints. Others pray to saints. Some cut out the middleman.
  3. Chop a thing in half and you've two things. Unless it is air. Not so simple.

January 07, 2009

Happiness, BLT and Pizza, Fat and Your Momma

  1. If you want to have a happy life, quit being so unhappy about it.
  2. Pizza and a BLT are brothers. Celebrate family.
  3. Broken New Year's Resolutions are not why you are fat. Don't blame the FDA, the President or your momma. You are fat because you eat too much and exercise too little.

January 06, 2009

Rhyming Satiation, Drink Up a Better Day, Chawin'

  1. Satiate and ingratiate rhyme. That's all they have in common.
  2. Do everyone a favor. Have a second cup.
  3. A lot of chewing involves sucking.

January 05, 2009

Snowy Miami, Words That Go Bu, Warmer and Long Days

  1. Very rarely does anyone die from snow shoveling in Miami.
  2. Not too many words started with 'bu'. You'd think there might be more, but... no.
  3. Finally, the days are getting longer, but not warmer.

January 04, 2009

Edgar Allan "Magnum" Poe vs Walt "The Punk" Whitman, Daylight, Finding Money

  1. Edgar Allan Poe never stared down Walt Whitman in Oklahoma, with a loaded .44 Magnum, and said, "This is poetic justice, punk. You're going to be pushing leaves of grass from the dirt side. I'll read your crap... nevermore. Ha ha ha," before filling him full of lead. Could not have happened. Both men were dead by the time this gun was introduced in the 1950s.
  2. No matter how many daylight hours there are in July, summer days are brief.
  3. Not too many people are disappointed when they find a dollar just a-blowin' in the wind.

January 03, 2009

Ode to Edward Lear (not three, just one bit of nonsense)

Ode to Edward Lear
by Brockeim

I am thinking of a man named Lear
whose rhymes I entirely revere.
He wrote a lot about guys
as old as the skies
and on them he made his career.

missing Edward Lear, greatest of all nonsense poets, who I never knew

January 02, 2009

Buxom Beauties, Elvis, Amnesia

  1. "The buxom stops here"... sign that should be outside of Hooters or Abercrombie & Fitch.
  2. Elvis was not the king.
    Aretha was not the queen.
    Both knew that then. Elvis knows that now.
  3. Amnesia is a gift which keeps on giving... I think.

January 01, 2009

New Year, Overrated Thursdays, Exercise

  1. Here we go again. Happy New Year.
  2. Thursday is an odd day to begin a year. Mondays? Sundays? Even a Friday or Saturday. I get it. But a Thursday? It is too much like a Tuesday, minus the pomp and circumstance. Let's change this for next year.
  3. Your body called, "You promised. Get off the computer, and get out exercising."