June 30, 2009

Tuesdays, Human Birds, Rockhard Softies

  1. When a month ends on a Tuesday, what are we supposed to think?
  2. Human interaction isn't for the birds. They are birds, not human.
  3. I'm a softie. A boulder man I will never be.

June 29, 2009

Michael Jackson, Chicken Limerick, Coffee Love

  1. The first week without Michael Jackson... that's no nonsense. RIP. He was a star my entire life.
  2. A chicken there was from Cali
    Found a hen with whom he would dally
    Told her all bout Frisco.
    Wound up in some Crisco,
    and squawked his romantic finale.
  3. Love is more than coffee. It needs sugar and cream too.

June 26, 2009

Patrick Henry, Fame, Leapin' Lizards

  1. Gimme Friday, or gimme death... Patrick Henry, if he worked in corporate America (or small town America... or anywhere)
  2. What counts as famous?
  3. Monitor lizards are not a kind of organic screen saver.

June 25, 2009

Coffee Drops, Kick in the Head, Tissue Paper

  1. No coffee is good to the last drop. Folgers is misleading us. This implies there is a 'last drop', which would be a tragedy. Keep your cup full, always.
  2. Would you rather a kick in the head or a kick in the behind?
  3. No tissue paper is perfect.

June 24, 2009

David Pogue Likes Brockeim's Nonsense

An exciting adventure is before as David Pogue chose one of my bits of nonsense to include in his new book The World According to Twitter. It comes out August 1, 2009.

He Twittered his followers, of which I am one, several questions. I answered a few. Among them, he asked about a modern ailment. Which bit? Click here. Follow me on Twitter. http://twitter.com/brockeim

Product Description
The Wit and Wisdom of the Twittersphere captured in a hilarious, and occasionally poignant, collection of handpicked tweets-the first-ever book created exclusively using content from Twitter.com! To demonstrate the real-time nature of Twitter during a recent lecture, New York Times "Circuits" columnist David Pogue turned from his PowerPoint presentation to his Twitter page and typed "I need a cure for hiccups....RIGHT NOW! Help?" In less than 15 seconds, feedback poured in: "Have someone slowly & softly count backwards from 10-1 in Russian for you. Works every time!" "Simple. Just hold your breath until Windows 7 is released." So in addition to his daily posts about technology, Pogue began posing questions to his "followers" that ranged from the earnest (What's your greatest regret?) to the curious (What's the best bumper sticker you've seen lately?) to the creative (Make up an ancient Chinese proverb). The responses, edited by Pogue and gathered in this irresistible book, are clever and often laugh-out loud funny. The World According to Twitter is at once a marvelous book and a grand social networking experiment in which tens of thousands of voices have come together to produce a humorous, thought-provoking record of shared human experience.

About the Author
David Pogue is the personal-technology columnist for The New York Times. Each week, he contributes a print column, an online column, an online video, and a popular daily blog, “Pogue’s Posts.” He is also an Emmy award–winning tech correspondent for CBS News, and he appears each week on CNBC with his trademark comic tech videos. With more than 3 million books in print, he is one of the world’s bestselling how-to authors. He wrote or co-wrote seven books in the “Dummies” series, and in 1999 he launched his own series of computer books called the Missing Manual series, which now includes more than 100 titles. He has been profiled on “48 Hours” and “60 Minutes.” Pogue’s website is www.davidpogue.com and his Twitter screen name is Pogue. He lives in Connecticut.

Poets, Painting Inappropriate, Book Hugger

  1. Name a poet whose last name starts with an 'S'.
  2. Is there any place hanging a painting is inappropriate?
  3. Have you hugged a book today?

June 23, 2009

Prada, Cheerios, Honkies

  1. Prada is not the Russian word for 'parade'.
  2. Cheerios are like little crunchy donuts.
  3. Aussies do not call my car a honky.

June 22, 2009

Happy Lemons, Dreaming of Myself, Coffee Wealth

  1. Lemons are some of the happiest fruit on the planet.
  2. In my dreams, I am myself.
  3. He who pours me coffee is not poor. Show me you are rich.

June 19, 2009

Bells on my Toes, I Claudius, Slicing and Dicing

  1. If I have bells on my toes, does this mean I have a toe ring?
  2. I am not Claudius.
  3. The pen is mightier than the sword? Try convincing the guy who was just sliced by sharp steel.

June 18, 2009

Chickens n' Turkey, Other People's Weddings, Existential Posting

  1. Chickens often... aren't. Which, though, is braver? Chickens or turkeys?
  2. Other people's weddings... there's so much the next paragraph could be about.
  3. We are what we post.

June 17, 2009

Purple, Bedlessness, Sighing

  1. Purple is a color from childhood.
  2. Early to bed? Early to rise? I'm not healthy, wealthy, nor wise. All I am is tired and broke. If I were wise, I would have slept in.
  3. There are good sighs and snide sighs.

Jack Benny and Mel Blanc doing Sy, The Mexican

June 16, 2009

Stressing in a Graveyard, Car Reality, Nggng

  1. Stressed? Too many people? No one bothers graveyard residents. Low-stress. Nothing bad can happen by this point.
  2. I am not a car. You aren't either. So why are we driving around?
  3. Nggng sntncs n 140 krktrz tks n mprsv nlj v snds n wrds nvlvng thts&knspts rglr ppl cn gt w/o mn vwlz. Knt pst Wr&Pc bt kn gt pnt crs. Yr trn

June 15, 2009

TFM and GAL Syndrome, Internetia Significa, Reading Loaves

  1. TFM - 'Twitter, Facebook, MySpace' contagious disease caught by those with the 'GAL Syndrome' as in 'get a life.' What R U up 2? TFM.
  2. Internetia Significa - The condition of (falsely) believing because I can be googled, I must matter.
  3. Man cannot live on books alone' is not in the Bible. Unless books are bread.

June 12, 2009

Tangerine Rhymes, Spillage, Evolution of Obsession

  1. Tangerine rhymes with trampoline. What else?
  2. Many cups are more full than we think. Some are overflowing.
  3. We are the sum of our obsession. Whatever is our great curiosity or conversation topic is what is most important to us. Coffee, anyone?

June 11, 2009

King Context, Vacationing in Hell, Chocolate Healer

  1. Context is king.
  2. Trips to Hell are never sold on stand-by.
  3. Chocolate milk can cure a thousand ailments. Perfect mix of sugar and happiness.

June 10, 2009

Shacking Up, King James at a Cafe, Kojak

  1. "We're practically married," is a spoken by the hopeful and the disillusioned. Know which one you are if you are living together.
  2. "Filleth my cuppeth," King James at the local cafe, sharing a pot with William Shakespeare.
  3. Kojak's lollipop is the symbol of a brave man.

June 09, 2009

Betty Ford Center for Book Addiction, Secretary of Energy Juan Valdez, Warm Mug

  1. Have you been to the Betty Ford Center for Book Addiction? (read my Robert Palmer 'Addicted to Love' parody)
  2. Each morning, with my first double-shot, I hand over controls to the Juan Valdez, my Secretary of Energy.
  3. Many a long week can be cured by a warm mug.

June 08, 2009

Hyrogenics, Iggernance, Excommunication Breakdown

  1. Hydrogen is one ingredient away from water. Watch out. Explosive stuff.
  2. It is better to search for the truth that to willingly ignore it.
  3. Excommunication is not miscommunication.

June 05, 2009

Marcel Marceau, Bias, Short Stuff

  1. Was Marcel Marceau ever in trouble in school for not talking in class? How about Helen Keller?
  2. Our bias is based in what we trust the most. In bias we trust.
  3. I was born short, but grew out if it.

June 04, 2009

Tweet My Nonsense

Like my nonsense? Share it with the world...

Send it through Twitter. I'll be mighty obliged.

Tweet this blog.

Mug Shots, Cup Half Filled, Prince Caspian

  1. Mug shots... espressos.
  2. Let your mug always be full... half or otherwise. So long as there is coffee in your cup.
  3. Prince Capsaicin is not a book in the Lion, Witch and Wardrobe series by CS Lewis. Not spicy enough. Try Prince Caspian.

The Chronicles of Narnia Movie Tie-in Box Set Prince Caspian (rack)

June 03, 2009

Friday, Casinos, Romance

  1. A Friday is a Friday is a Friday
    and by another name still sounds as sweet.
  2. Casinos and tobacco companies have something in common: the house always wins.
  3. Everything's romantic if you let it be.

June 02, 2009

Ramen, Leaking, 007

  1. Ramen. Five of the greatest letters in the world.
  2. Anyone still hungry after eight glasses of water is either a camel or leaking.
  3. 0+0+7/3 = 2.3333333333333333333333333333333

June 01, 2009

Monday Coffee, Mug Dynasty, Gravity

  1. Saturday coffee is always better than Monday coffee.
  2. The Mug Dynasty... A family in China long noted for its defiance against the tea culture, wishing, instead, the Orient was all about coffee.
  3. Gravity is overrated, underappreciated.